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339 | An Interview with Samantha Rafoss on KKNW 1150AM!

October 15, 2022

339 | An Interview with Samantha Rafoss on KKNW 1150AM!
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I've been a holistic entrepreneur for over 20 years and sober for two years. My whole life I've been dedicated to healthy living and embracing the mind, spirit, body connection. Sober and Serene is my legacy mission to help individuals embrace sobriety, get healthy and take control of their life.

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Transcript

Unknown Speaker  0:00  
This is a production of km media dot Pro. Welcome back to positive talk radio. Our goal is simple to explore evolving ideas one conversation at a time. So come on over into our world. I know you'll like it. Because on today's show, today we're gonna talk about something that nobody ever really wants to talk about much. And that is, how to be sober and serene in your life. We have a young lady here by the name of Sam roughy. Debbie, your last name, please. Ray, first ray fence. Okay, Sam Ray Fez, and she is a coach. She's an author. And she actually does podcast I think a little bit too, and she does a lot of stuff. And it'll be fun to have her here. I just really like her message. And what she has to say. And by the way, Nathan, how are you?

Unknown Speaker  0:59  
Ah, crying a little bit on the inside. Still can't get over Tuesday. If you're in Seattle, you know what happened?

Unknown Speaker  1:07  
Yeah, Tuesday, and you know, Thursday, two,

Unknown Speaker  1:11  
oh, Thursday wasn't so bad as easier to you know, give in to that one. Because that one felt more like, you know, we definitely, it's hard to explain. But Tuesday, you know, we could have won that game. And then Thursday, it was more of an actual battle. And we just couldn't win that one.

Unknown Speaker  1:29  
Exactly. Sam and Sam, just in case, if you're not aware, and there are people in our audience that may be unaware, we're talking about the Seattle Mariners who haven't been in the playoffs for 21 years. And we were hoping for better see, Nathan, the first game for me was like, you go on a date with a girl. And things go very well in the beginning. And you're pretty well then sure that you're going to get to have a relationship with this individual. And so you go on a second date, you ended up picking her up at her house and her boyfriend, I answered the door. You know what I mean? That's it's kind of like you're hoping for the best and then all of a sudden, everything falls apart.

Unknown Speaker  2:12  
I would think of that maybe as on the first date, you know, everything's going well and says, yeah, sorry. I don't want to see you again.

Unknown Speaker  2:20  
Yeah, have you been to my house? No, I'm kidding. In any event, Sam, it's Welcome. Welcome to the show. It's nice to have you here.

Unknown Speaker  2:28  
Thank you so much, Kevin.

Unknown Speaker  2:31  
And where are you? By the way, where physically are you located?

Unknown Speaker  2:35  
I am in Calgary, Alberta.

Unknown Speaker  2:38  
Beautiful area, from what I understand.

Unknown Speaker  2:39  
It's gorgeous.

Unknown Speaker  2:42  
Oh, very nice. And you are a coach, you've been working in the Indus industry for a while. But something happened a couple years ago, that kind of changed everything for you a little bit than

Unknown Speaker  2:55  
it did, Kevin.

Unknown Speaker  2:57  
So kindly go into that and explain what in the heck happened.

Unknown Speaker  3:04  
And I always say and, and I can laugh about it now. And when we're talking about addiction and recovery, it is a serious subject. It's it's not fun for anyone that is going through it. However, for me, being on the other side of it, and you're and you're never fully recovered. Like you're always like all of us in that are, have stopped an addiction, where, like, for me, it was mine. I was addicted to wine. And when I really came to that realization, stopping was not easy. So that's why, you know, I've switched my business and brand to make it about sober and serene. So let's, let's take it back, Kevin. So for many, many years, I've Well I've been in the helping professions for many years, I was a social worker. And then once I had my kids, I wanted to stay home and create my life around the girls schedule. So I you know, taught parenting classes, I taught nutrition classes, I went back to school to become a holistic nutritionist. That was really my passion was all about how I can be holistically healthy, raise my children healthy, be all of the healthy body mind spirit. So that was my goal was to be that individual, and to help others in the way that I could. So for many years, I helped women mostly I do have a few male clients, but mostly women, let's just say I helped women either, you know, lose weight, any anything that when it came to their health, and that's the type of person I was. And in between it, you know, I drank a little bit, but when I was raising the girls, there was really not that much time to spend a lot of time drinking. And now that I look back on it, I realized that it was probably the divorce when the girl's Dad and I split up i I can look back on it now and see where you know more drinking crept up on me. So now that I'm looking at it clearly, however the trigger for me and and why I'm so passionate about talking about it is because women, if you are like me and you are healthy and you are looking after your diet, you're being a great mom, you are trying to look after other people in your life. You eat healthy, you exercise, Kevin, I walked every day I hiked every day I, I did yoga, meditation, prayer, all of what I call the healthy things that we do in our life. However, behind the scenes, I had crept up to this addiction of basically having a bottle of wine by myself behind closed doors at the end of the day. And when I went, I really came to that realization about, hey, you know what, I'm drinking a lot of wine here. I would justify it. Because I'm healthy. And because I'm functioning now, I was not the person that you know, something terrible had to happen. I didn't drink and drive. I didn't have anything terrible that happened. That so called made me hit my rock bottom.

Unknown Speaker  6:19  
Now, did you ever say while you were drinking that bottle of wine going? Boy, they're not putting as much wine in here as there used to?

Unknown Speaker  6:26  
Absolutely, absolutely. Because sometimes sometimes I'd be on my way home. And I would think to myself, how much wine do I have, and this is what happens. And anyone who is watching, you're listening, if you are dealing with what I call the either the monkey mind or the alcohol mind, you know what I'm talking about. Because what we do that's different than, quote, a normal drink drinker, like somebody that can have a glass of wine with dinner, and then not think about alcohol for the rest of the week, someone like me, that has a drink, either at lunchtime at Wine o'clock at dinner, it turns a switch where all of a sudden, I'm thinking, Where is the next drink? Where's the next drink. And if there's a bottle of wine open, like, I've been at events where, you know, put the cork on it and put it away, someone like me were like, what, you just finished the bottle, you don't you don't put it away. But then it just does get to be more. And that's what it got to be for me, Kevin.

Unknown Speaker  7:28  
So what time is wine o'clock?

Unknown Speaker  7:31  
For me, originally, it was five o'clock, then it would be four o'clock, then it would be three o'clock, and we're talking the trigger for me. 2020. So we know what happened, we know we were shut down. And I was actually at my daughter, she had just had my grandson. And it always got to be while I was staying there. It got to be oh, I'll have a drink at five o'clock. But oh, wait today, you know, we're just staying at home, it'll be four o'clock and, and laughingly and it wasn't funny, because you started at three o'clock. Kevin, lots of times, I had time for a bottle, a bottle and a half, sometimes two. And sometimes I'd go get a box of wine and oh my goodness, it does not taste as good as the bottled wine. But you can fool yourself into drinking as much as you want. Because from the box, nobody's going to look at how much you how much you drink. So the games that we play with ourselves?

Unknown Speaker  8:29  
Well, from everything that I've read is that if you are a long term drinker, it changes your brain chemistry. Yeah. And changes everything about you because you ended up going from Annie and you mentioned that you went from bottle to bottle and always were prepared. And you always looked ahead to make sure that if you needed to stop at the convenience store on the way home because you only had a third of a bottle from the other night you would do that to prepare yourself so that you could have enough so you wouldn't have to start drinking and then go buy some more because you're being responsible about

Unknown Speaker  9:05  
it. Yep. And and it for me, personally, it consumed me like my even even though you know I've got my my coaching consulting business however, it did take a backseat during Kobo it because everything changed. But your me as a person that was addicted to wine. My life revolves around those decisions. So it would be okay what am I doing today? Okay, well you know if I'm going to be looking after Carson then okay, then I cannot drink while I'm looking after my grandson and I wouldn't like those things I would I would compute all those things and and that's what made it so hard to quit is because I was that quote functioning person that just drink a lot of wine.

Unknown Speaker  9:57  
Well, and did you find that in the course of time that And it became kind of a reward for you. I've done a really good job today and I've had some really good clients and stuff like that. I'm just gonna relax, watch a little TV and have a glass of wine. Okay, maybe two. Okay, maybe a bottle. And then that's how we'll go.

Unknown Speaker  10:15  
Yeah. And you always start out with one glass. The thought is always and when you say celebrate, and for me, I use wine to celebrate. I used wine to cope. I used wine to drown my sorrows. I used wine for everything. I looking back now with the clear head, and I m two years, three months, X number, I think I'm 836 days, whatever, the date from July 1 of 2020 Till now, so I have relations by the queue. And it wasn't easy. It is not easy. And no, I didn't plan July 1, that just happened to be the date where I just said enough, I need to, I need to stop. But you do like for me, I planned before that I planned everything around it. I would plan around, you know, if I was going to go out, then how much I could drink. If I was going to drive Oh, then I'm not going to drink. But when I got home, then I could drink more. If I'm going to be with my kids, oh, well, I don't want to drink too much, because I still want to be present. So it's like this, this, this, the alcohol takes over. And now I can gratefully and thankfully say that I rarely rarely think of alcohol right now. And if I do all it is it's for me. It's a quick switch now where I am not about to give up my life and my everything that I've gained for that glass of wine because I know enough now with a clear brain, I know where the slippery slope will take me.

Unknown Speaker  11:50  
So how did it change you when you stopped? And how did you recognize that it was so important for you? And what what is your life like now versus what it was like then

Unknown Speaker  12:03  
I like to I like to say that? Well, Carson is my two and a half year old grandson. And I have to be careful because I might start to cry because I I adore him. And that. Like if you talk to anyone who quits drinking or quits a substance or really decides there always is a deciding moment. Like there is something that switches and and we talk about the the the 1000 day ones that 1000 times that even that we you know, you've drank and you have a hangover, and you think oh, I'm not going to drink anymore. And a couple of days goes by and then you feeling great. And then you crave it again. So you give in. And so there's I always say the 1000 day ones, I went through 1000 Day ones. However, after my daughter had person, I I just I remember a crystal clear moment of holding this beautiful little baby. And I just looked down at him. And I just had the thought I had the thought what is my relationship? Do I want with this beautiful little boy? Do I want him to like, run around with Nana. That's what he calls me, Nana. And I love it. And there's those of you that are grandparents who get it, there's nothing better than your grandchild calling you. And I just looked down and I thought do I want him to be remembering the good times with Nana, and running around and playing and doing whatever it is me being able to pick him up anytime and not worry if I've been drinking. So this thought, but I'm looking down at him. And I'm because he's sleeping in my arms. And he's so peaceful and beautiful, this gorgeous little baby. And I just thought do I want to be the Nana that has the wine glass and half drunk all the time of his life? Or do I want to just be the Nana that's clear and present having fun with him. And just something switched in my brain. Something was just like, you have to do everything you can to be that person for him. So I know you can only quit for yourself like absolutely, like you can't just decide to quit for someone. But it was the I would say the second deciding factor. It was the deciding factor. I knew I had to stop the amount of wine I was drinking it was really as as healthy as I was it was still taking its toll on me. So that was just that was just again the the factor.

Unknown Speaker  14:37  
So in one of these 1000 times that you you're going to do that. Did you say to yourself, well, you know what? I'm just gonna have one that's all I'm gonna have. And then I'm gonna become you know, really what is enough and I'll be fine. But it never happens that way does it?

Unknown Speaker  14:56  
Never. And and yes, some people can do Do that. And that's the difference. And I don't like labels, I don't like labeling myself as an alcoholic I, I like to just say I had an addiction to wine that I don't have anymore. And anyone that can relate to that you you know what, what type of drinker you are. And I am not here to preach to anyone, I am not here to tell anybody that they're drinking too much or they're not because, Kevin, if you would have asked me, even three years ago, even three years ago, if you would have said to me, You know what, Sam, you know, in three years, you're going to be on positive talk radio, and you're going to be talking about, you have been alcohol free for you know, two, just over two years, I would have said, You are crazy. Because I was so in love with wine. I was so in love with the the lifestyle of me being such a healthy person yet, I got to reward myself with wine. So you, you, you just you don't know where your life is gonna take you. And I just say to people, like, I had a woman say to me a couple of weeks ago, do you think I'm drinking too much? And I, it just kind of came out of the blue. And I'm like, I don't even know how much you drink. And it doesn't it doesn't matter what I think. It's really like, what what's going on with you? What what is it that you want? And I can't make that decision for anyone. And some people looked at me and said, Oh, you don't drink that much. You know, you're fine. But it's still an internal, it's an internal decision. And I'm just here if people want to talk, that's all I say to people, if you if you want to talk and with somebody that understands, you know, that's what I'm here for.

Unknown Speaker  16:48  
So if somebody comes to you and says, Do you think I'm drinking too much? Doesn't that generally mean they probably are?

Unknown Speaker  16:55  
Well, usually, usually, if if you're? I mean, I asked myself that question hundreds of times over the years, Kevin, because yeah, like, certainly I didn't drink when I was pregnant with my daughters. But after I had my kids every time the first thing I remember thinking about is Oh, wow, I can have a drink now. And then you know, you go on a binge it for me. Yeah, so I have probably had more of an alcohol problem my whole life that I even I was willing to admit. And now I'm just now I just willingly talk about it openly. But it took me an even, you know, the first year, I wouldn't hide it. But I wouldn't willingly talk about it either. Because there's a lot of shame that's carried with seeming to think that you have this outside persona, especially in the health and wellness industry. You know, I'm trying to keep people healthy. Yet I have this quote, dirty little secret where I go home and drink a bottle of wine.

Unknown Speaker  17:59  
Now, did you while you were right after you quit? Did you not want to tell anybody because just in case, you had a relapse, and decided to go buy a bottle of wine and and so if What if what you told everybody, then you kind of felt honorbound to live up to it. Whereas if it was a urine naughty little secret that you had, you could you could then go back and, and resume your previous lifestyle. And the reason I bring that up is that I think that in our society, that happens a whole lot more than people are willing to admit. And I just simply remember I was in a I worked in a factory of a woodworking factory. And all the guys were there. They had they had a ritual that they played hearts at lunch, they all went to work. And then every Thursday night, they went out and got bombed. And then and then they would come to work hungover on Friday. And then they would go back on Saturday and get bombed again to get rid of the hangover they got for the previous night. And it became a weekly ritual. And that's I think that happens to a lot of people.

Unknown Speaker  19:15  
It sounds like my ritual in my late 20s. Before I had kids, it sounds like I That sounds familiar. Yeah. Oh, I can remember those days.

Unknown Speaker  19:31  
Yes. And then like I say again, congratulations. Now you did this without this 12 STEP program. You did this without going into rehab per se. Was it just a white knuckle thing?

Unknown Speaker  19:46  
You could say a little bit at the beginning and you the white knuckle for me was the say the period between Carson was born in March and then the final was July and and I had some white knuckle times before that, where I think, Oh, I'm going to quit for two weeks, and it was just white knuckle all, all I'd be doing every day is like, Oh, I just got to get through today. And then I think, oh, I can drink in a week or two weeks. So I had many of those times, this time, between March and July, like I remember recall doing 38 days, I remember that was a marker. And then having that thought of, oh, I can just have one glass and, and this, this whole time period of that time period of 2020 was when I didn't tell anyone, where I just kind of kept it to me. And I remember mentioning to Abby Carson stet Carson's mom. And I remember offhandedly saying to her, because I'm staying with her Oh, Abby, I'm not going to drink this week. And she just kind of laughed. And she just kind of went, Oh, okay, you know, and I know, she didn't believe me, because here's mom having a glass of wine every day at three o'clock, four o'clock. And part of me was like, Well, I'm going to show them, I'm really going to do this. And you really have to do it for yourself, like there. I can only say there's a difference between me thinking I'm going to show somebody else that I'm going to do this. So between that time period, there was a lot of white knuckling it really. But once that switch of that July 1, and Kevin, it was it was due to the most horrendous hangover in that whole year. Like, literally, I drank so much that night before, on an empty stomach. You know, it's the old What were you thinking? Like, really? What were you thinking? And I just remember waking up that morning. And I opened my eyes. And I the first thought was enough. Like, when is this? Like, when are you? When is this going to be in and that day, it was just enough. So I think I white knuckled it probably for about a week. But then I was like, You know what, you got to figure out some strategies here. Like I've done this is talking to myself, I do a lot of internal dialogue. And I was like, You know what, you need to figure this out, because the option is, you're not drinking, and I didn't say forever. I never said at the beginning, I literally just said to myself, and I like yeah, I didn't do the 12 steps, I didn't go to AAA, I just I really felt I do a lot of meditation and prayer. Anyway, Kevin. So I really thought you know what, I need to just go within and take care of this. And I wasn't against seeking outside help. I just really wanted to get clear in my own mind and body what I was doing here, and I just committed to myself. And so probably at least the first 30 days, I I think there was maybe one other person that knew that I that I wasn't drinking. But I by that, by that point that week, or that month, that first month, I was pretty solid. I would like there was nothing that was I was like, I need to do this. And then I joke around and and if you if you're on my website and you see different pictures of me walking or outside or whatever, I love being outside we have a lot of sun and Calvary and and I love getting out on the paths and, and walking. So I just joked around with myself, okay, every time you want wine, you need to walk. So change wine o'clock for walk o'clock. Because you need to do for me I needed to do something different. If I tried to think about not drinking, I thought about drinking.

Unknown Speaker  23:36  
Well, of course that's, that's, that's the way it works. And it's like when you finish three days. It's like, Oh, I did 38 days I'm gonna celebrate and have a glass of wine or five?

Unknown Speaker  23:47  
Sure. That's what I did. That's it was like, Oh, and you fool yourself. And those of you that are understanding what I'm saying? I'm saying the other ones of us with this type of brain on alcohol. You'll get it when I say you say to yourself, Oh, you don't want I've taken a break for 38 days. I've got this figured out. I can moderate I can have one glass, you really think you can. But as soon as you do, and as soon as you have that one glass, you don't have the same brain. Your brain is different as soon as and for me as soon as I had wine. And Kevin, it's It is bizarre because people will say to me, Oh, well what about other alcohol? Now, you could you could have, you can have a bottle of tequila, you could have a bottle of whiskey, whatever. I probably still wouldn't have drank for 39 days. 40 days like it's still it didn't have the same appeal. I guess. I would if there was no wine around. I would just go buy wine. If I wanted my I would just go buy wine. So

Unknown Speaker  24:57  
well that was your drug of choice and that was all So it's more socially acceptable, because a lot of people will say, all glass of wine, that's not a big deal. But if you put a bunch of glasses of wine together, it becomes the same thing because it's a glass of wine still has the same alcohol content as a beer, or a shot of whiskey, or whatever. It doesn't matter what it is. It's all got to it's all got the same, you know, and I'd like to think, and by the way, you are not what I would call a clinical alcoholic, like my brother was an alcoholic. And he, he had what I would pleasantly describe as he didn't have a stop switch. Yeah. So it was like if you've ever heard the, the expression, what is it, I'm, I'm fine. I drink and I fall down or something. I can't remember what it is. But it's it's like so he would literally drink himself until he passed out. Yeah. And then he would get up and he'd have a hangover. And this is where he'd always say, Yeah, I got a bit of a hangover today. So I cracked a beer at 10 o'clock in the morning. And then that proceeded to be an a whole nother day, a whole nother case of beer. A whole other thing that he did that on the end, it became a thing that he did it all the time. And it really negatively affected his life. And the people around him and and it made it very difficult for him. And he got to the point where he was, he was he was a rougher. And if you can imagine drinking beer while you're roughing

Unknown Speaker  26:26  
it, oh my goodness, losing your balance. Oh, that

Unknown Speaker  26:30  
makes absolutely well, he did fall off a roof, he fell 25 feet and broke a bunch of stuff. So but he never mentioned whether or not he had actually been drinking on the job or not. But in any event, so it's not that but a lot of people have what you had, which is a social drinker gone arrived, kinda.

Unknown Speaker  26:52  
And then what what they did, and you've heard of the DSM, the diagnostic manual of indicating mental and physical issues, and I might have it wrong, those of you that know what I'm talking about. But it's it's the term now is not necessarily labeled, you're an alcoholic, it's alcohol use disorder. And they ask you a set of questions. And it starts out with, you know, in the past year, have you? And then it's things like, you know, drank more than two drinks consecutively? Or have you felt like you're drinking too much. And it goes through this set of questions. And I remember going through this set of questions, Kevin and, and I remember at one point in in a doctor checkup and I rarely saw my doctor because you know, I only go every few years to get a checkup. Because I'm healthy and don't have any underlying conditions. But I remember at one point him asking me these questions and him saying, I know I probably don't really have to ask you these but because it's on the you know, whatever, checkup, say, when I was how old you know it, he's got to check it for whatever age I was. So I remember can I remember him asking me and what do you think I did? You live? Of course, of course, I lied. You know, because it talks about how many numbers and, and, and, and the shame of you know, not wanting to admit how much I'm drinking. So of course I lie. And then Kevin, the kicker is when I go back for the results of my whole physical, my whole physical, and including lab work, blood work, everything I've answered. My doctor says, whatever you're doing, keep doing it. Because I had the numbers of a 45 year old women, Kevin, at the time, I think I was I was in my 50s. So in my mind, I'm thinking, well, who, you know, everything I'm doing is working. I am healthy, you know. So at this point in my life, I'm thinking, Oh, see, and also as much wine as I drink. I'm okay. Again, all of this justifying behavior.

Unknown Speaker  29:15  
Of course, of course, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, we're talking with Sam say your last name for me. Sounds good, right? FOSS Ray fosse and she's got the website. She's also got a practice. It's called sober and serene. You can go look at her website. It's beautiful site by the way. sober and serene.com. We need to take a break and but when we come back, but actually before we go to break, Nathan, would you like to give up the numbers. If somebody would like to talk to Sam, about maybe. I know you have a friend and this friend might need some help. And you don't have to out yourself but if you would like to talk to her about about something that you feel the need to change She, she is the person to help you. So Nathan, what are the numbers,

Unknown Speaker  30:03  
our phone numbers are 425-373-5527 or toll free at 888-298-5569. And since this is such an important issue, I'm gonna give those out again. So our phone numbers are 42537355 to seven or toll free at 888-298-5569.

Unknown Speaker  30:28  
And don't be shy. It's okay. You don't have to give us your right name. You can tell us that your friend. But I think that it would behoove you to get some guidance. If you if you're feeling called to do that, if you're still hung over from the game last night, which ended at like four o'clock and, and you might want to give Sam a call. So we're going to take a break, and we'll be right back. Stay with us you're listening to positive talk radio. These days, it's difficult to be able to do it all, especially as a small business owner. Marketing your business can be really tough, especially developing a presence on social media creating commercial content and media production. That's where que immediate dot Pro can help you see, in addition to creating a great podcast called positive talk radio, we also have a radio show video audio production, content creation, including commercials, video shorts and trailers, voiceovers, Social Media Development and so much more. It only makes sense to hire a pro to get your business noticed. That's what we do. Please visit km media dot Pro for more information and to schedule a consultation to take your business dream to the next level. That's cam media dot Pro. Yes, we can.

Unknown Speaker  31:52  
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Unknown Speaker  32:29  
Hey there, I'm excited that you're listening right now. And if you like what we're doing here, you're gonna love positive talk radio dotnet on positive talk radio.net. Each show which is recorded live is packed with positive information with real people discussing real issues and positive solutions that can work for everyone. I hope that you'll join us on positive talk radio dotnet and listen to all 340 Plus shows. I think it's worth your time. That's just me, that's positive talk radio dotnet your home for great progressive positive podcast. And welcome back everybody to positive talk radio. My name is Kevin McDonald, I get to be your host here. And we have a wonderful guest today. And I implore you to give us a call. If you would like to talk to Sam, she is a sober and serene coach, he helps you find your your your peace in life. And it makes it a lot easier when you don't have all these things nagging at you and these addictions and stuff that that cause a great deal of problem. So she's been through the war herself, and has come out the other side. Congratulations again, by the way. And and if you want to go to a website again, it's sober and serene.com. And I got to ask you, Sam, when you decided that you were going to do this and change your practice at must, there must have been a lot of people in your world that said, sober and serene, but you've you've never been a drunk, you've never been, you know, somebody that falls down and stuff like that. So, so what's changed?

Unknown Speaker  34:14  
Yeah, you could say that and Kevin, I always say ever everything. Everything for me comes through a conversation with God universe, spirit, whatever you want to call it. And and I always talk about the voices in my head. So you know I've after meditation or whatever, and in all honesty when I came back to my business, because I had taken a break actually before COVID And and that's a story for another day, but I had taken a break and then because Abby was having Carson I was like oh well I'm I'm going to spend some time with her and then I'm going to come to my business back to my business which is called love brand new. So I do I have another brand love brand new, which is what I was doing, you know, helping women either build their business or become healthier what? Whatever they needed help with. So I was trying to mold went once I quit drinking, and I keep laughing within myself, and I'd have these conversations with God. And I'd say, you know, I'm just going to I'm just going to make the sobriety piece a little, a little bit of the coaching, you know, I'm going to maybe put a line in, you know, under health and wellness coaching, kind of like an addendum, oh, and, and health and wellness, I'm going to do sobriety. So this is what I was trying to tell myself. And nothing was working. Nothing like, nothing was coming together, things were to end. And after one meditation, it was it was this little, I always say these little conversations between me and my higher self. And it was, it's literally, really, you're really just going to try and do this over thing under love brand new and, and it's almost like the two sides on our end, you could call it the the angel and the devil, whatever you want to call it. And it's like, really, you know, that's not what you're gonna do. So I remember saying, Well, what is it that I'm supposed to do then? And Kevin was within a flash, it was like, so we're in serene? As like, what? And then I went, Oh, okay, so I really do have to really create a different brand, like now that I'm deciding to do this. And it was a loud and clear. Yes, you do. And I did go through a little bit of well, what will people think? Am I really like, Am I really going to claim this? Am I really going to own this because I love love brand. You too, like I was really connected and heartfelt connected with that brand. And it but it just kept coming back to and this was at the beginning of the year. And so I made a deal with God, and basically said, Okay, if I hit two years, which was would have been July 1, and before that I had never, I had never said forever. Because again, anybody that's going through with recovery, the scariest thing that we can tell ourselves is what I'm never going to drink again. Like if we can't let go of that, whatever it is that we're addicted to. So we have to do it in little steps to, to get through it. Yep. So when I decided and start putting it out there, and then started talking to people, like my closest coach colleagues, and I have this accountability group that we we actually get together and we support each other. And I said to them, you guys, I'm thinking of this. And of course, what am I thinking they're gonna be nothing but supportive, they're gonna be nothing. But hey, that's a great idea. And then the more that I did talk about it, more people were saying, like, I had no idea I had, like, I never would have, I never would have thought you for that. My best friends of 30 years that, you know, normally we get together and have a few drinks. And when I was staying away from them and saying, you guys, I'm not ready to be in a, in a social situation drinking, I am pretty strong, but I just don't want to be around it. They were nothing but supportive, that we would meet up and go for a walk or we'd meet up and go for a coffee. So most of what I went through was mostly my internal struggle. But once I decided this is the road ongoing. And I decided to doing that. So since January or July of this year, and just said, Okay, I'm doing this, it really has been the most positive experience.

Unknown Speaker  38:42  
Well, you know, over the course of time, there are so many domains out there now that have been purchased. And stuff I always have in I have an inner voice as well. And my inner voice will tell me and I will go to look for a domain. And if the domain is available, the name that I've chosen, if the domain is available, then I know that I'm on the right path, because that was reserved for me from the other side like so.

Unknown Speaker  39:11  
100% Kevin, yes.

Unknown Speaker  39:14  
And so when you when and and said, Well, you know, that somebody has to have picked that somewhere. Way. And then he went and search for it and the.com was available. It was like okay, I guess that's it, I guess I'm I've been told what I should do.

Unknown Speaker  39:31  
Yeah. And there is a Facebook group there's a meditation group that is and I think we've connected on Instagram from from the the man that runs that group. And so yes, that the domain is sober and serene, but anywhere on different social media channels that there was a couple that had sober and serene already. Then I just I just tweaked it to I am sober and serene. Right? But I'm with you. If I go and I can find that domain. And it was the same when I had figured out love brand few years ago. It was if the domain the.com. And I was an I'm in Canada yes.ca is good, but you to build a brand, my personal belief is you need the.com

Unknown Speaker  40:15  
You really do for if you're going to be a multinational? Yeah, because we don't have.ca Here, it's not really recognized. Yeah, in the states, like the.com is,

Unknown Speaker  40:25  
yeah, and and right now, I would say more of my clients are in the US than in Canada, and it goes in waves. I have clients all over the world. But for the most part, it seems at this point in time, my clients are in the

Unknown Speaker  40:41  
US. And it's because we got a bit of a problem down here, I don't know, if you noticed. If you go to any particular grocery store, you will find the rows upon rows of beer, wine, spirits, and all of that stuff. And it's because we have, I think that if truth be known, we have a lot of, you know, like closet drinkers that they don't necessarily want everybody to know, the extent of what they're doing, what they're doing more than they should do. And it's a it's a crutch to, to get us through life. And and that's, that's why going to someone like you are going to you would be helpful for someone because you can help them find a different way. Would that be?

Unknown Speaker  41:27  
That's, that's, that's my, that's my intent. And I've talked to some women recently, because I say, you know, stop drinking, get healthy, take control of your life. Well, some people aren't ready right away to stop drinking, but they're ready to stop over drinking. And then with some of my clients over eating comes with it. And that's why I still like, you know, help people with, with eating or digestive issues or, or weight loss, like I I just hear from people, sorry, I'm stumbling for words, meaning that I just say to people just have a conversation with me, I'm not here to just say you need to stop drinking. And you, it's let's talk about what's going on in your life. Because what I'm finding is, most of the women that are coming to me and talking with me right now are men. It's there, either over drinking over eating, or I see a lot of people in this area right now struggling with impostor syndrome. Struggling, well, I'm not good enough. Like I'm, I'm a health coach, but look at that health coach over there. They're doing this, I should be doing this. And so the confidence is wavering. And when you have when you have either an addiction, and it could be an addiction to food, it could be addiction to alcohol, it could be addiction to to work, there's women that are overworking themselves, or lack of sleep, they're like they're all of the health issues are what I like to you know, discuss with people. Because the issues over here, whether it be your addiction to wine, I get the imposter syndrome, I get it, because when I would be hungover, and then I'd be going to teach a class or I'd be going to lead a group or speak. And I'd be hung over Kevin. But I have to pretend that I'm on my game. And those are the times when impostor syndrome syndrome would hit? Because I'd be like, wow, like who am I to stand up here and tell people how to be healthy? And I'm hungover.

Unknown Speaker  43:46  
exactly the answer. Like every time I do this show on Fridays, I have impostor syndrome because I keep wanting to be as good as Nathan is. And so it makes it really difficult for for me because Nathan is so good at what he does. I'm not even sure he's listening right now that's supposed to be he's not gonna get out and talk about it. But anyway, so. But I know,

Unknown Speaker  44:09  
we compare ourselves to other people that we that we like in our industry or other women, or Yeah, like, it's prevalent in the health and wellness, health and wellness spirituality field like that. The arena that I am in it is very prevalent for men and women in this and I don't know, other areas. I know my, I know, my world. I know my sandbox, and it's prevalent, that there is a lot of imposter syndrome. It is everywhere.

Unknown Speaker  44:41  
We are we're taught that from from from youth, from being babies that that we're not necessarily as good as somebody else is. So we're always comparing ourselves and and in a lot of cases we're not comparing ourselves fate. favorably to somebody else. Because we don't get to see what struggles they're having in their life, we just see the perfect outside that they are presenting as an example, I will never be six foot eight. And that's why I'm so unhappy that Nathan is six foot eight. No, I'm kidding. Because it's, you know, that's, that's how we are, is we all want something other than who we are, or what we are. And we don't stop to think about how special each one of us is.

Unknown Speaker  45:29  
And I think for me, that's the gift that truly becoming sober. Like, with no substances, like no nothing to cloud me, I had to go through and really face anything, it's like you, it's the term, you have to do the inner work. Yes, but you really, when when you're going through recovery, you're trying to be sober. You, you really have to take a look at yourself. And I, I'm happy to say that doing that inner work and really, you know, looking at those limiting beliefs and and getting my own coaching, I fully believe in even a coach needs a coach, I've had a lot of help along the way. And even just having some of my colleagues in, like I say, in our accountability group, to even just talk about things, just talk about things and have somebody clearly listen, and yet still call you on some of your stuff. Like, you still need somebody, as much as we like to be great coaches, you there has to be somebody that still challenges you. And that's what I needed to. To get through some of my own issues, I get through some of my own trauma, really take a look at probably what caused what the root cause was for more of my wine consumption. And it really does come back to how we feel about ourselves. It truly is about that self love.

Unknown Speaker  47:06  
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Well, you know, there's only one guy that I am aware of, maybe you know, something different, but there's only one guy that I'm aware of that ever walked on water. And so or turn or turn water into wine, which, which in your world would have been a really cool thing to be able to do would be awesome, Devin. And, but you know, our society that is a it's a big group, great big crutch. And a lot of people that's what that's why there are so many bars that are doing well. And stuff like that. So, you know, we all could look at doing life a little bit differently. And by the way, I was gonna I was gonna mention that you're a you're a health coach, and you help people lose weight. Have you ever said to somebody, well, you know what, if you stopped drinking two bottles of wine a day, guess what you're gonna do? You're gonna lose weight all by yourself.

Unknown Speaker  47:57  
Oh, and, and yes, and I would say I'm a little bit gentler. I can be tough. I can be tough with myself, but because I I understand. I understand the struggle not only of weight loss I have, I have a weight loss story that you know, that plagued me before I had my kids and so I I know the struggles of not only struggling to lose weight, I'm struggling to overcome an addiction struggling to overcome comparison and impostor syndrome. And Kevin, I am I am by no means on my game 100% Every day, like they're still but I know what I need to do. To keep myself feeling good to keep myself in a good headspace. It's it's a do remember Zig Ziglar Oh, yeah. Like, remember when Zig Ziglar would talk about and I'm aging myself, but I have to mention Zig Ziglar because my dad loved him. My mom loved him. We listened to the cassette tapes when I was a kid. I've got all his books, but he would talk about Okay, so we shower every day we brush our teeth every day. Why are we not doing our self care every day? Meaning why are we not doing the prayers and the meditation and the positive talk the most important human being in our life is us. You have to nurture that self care and I have a self care routine every single day. It whether I do it for five minutes or 20 minutes based on my my time. But if you are not doing the things that you need to do to take care of yourself, this is when we really go down that that slope and start doubting ourselves so there has to be the positive whether it's positive talk, which is what like I love the name of the show. Positive like you you have to focus on some of those. You can't it doesn't happen by accident anyway is Zig said it way more elegant elegantly than I'm saying it, but I just remember Zig Ziglar saying things like that.

Unknown Speaker  50:07  
It is, in my world, it's imperative. You know, kind of a quick story resolutely, my oldest son, he is because I've always been the way I am. And I am. If you and I were to go sit down and sit down and have a cocktail, or no, we won't do that. But if we were to have a cup of coffee, or, or a, some tea or something, this is who I am. I am the same way in person as I am when I do the radio show and all that. So I do. I'm just a natural positive person. My son is just a natural negative person, probably because I'm a natural, positive person. And so you know, last year, he was complaining because he was living in a house, he didn't like he was in a one bedroom apartment. He didn't have a girlfriend, he didn't have a job he liked. So he hated everything. And I said, you know, it's all going to change for you. But I want you to be grateful for what you've got, and grateful for who you are. And it's all going to change for you. And he said, Sure, Dad. Sure. Sure. Just because you're doing positive talk radio doesn't mean that you know anything. And I said, Okay, well, fine. I agree with that. And so fast forward a year, he's changed jobs. He's got a job. He's, he loves and they love him. He's now bought a house. He's living in a house, and he's got a girlfriend. So everything that he was complaining about a year ago has all changed for him. And, and it's because of changing your mindset, you can be positive. And so now when I tell him all of that, he says, shut up.

Unknown Speaker  51:37  
So our kids, I mean, we, we love each other, and our kids are wonderful, but they don't they don't want to listen to mom and dad.

Unknown Speaker  51:46  
Nope, nope, nope, they don't, they don't. So by the way, we are talking with Sam and your last name is Ray Fosse, I knew that Sam Ray fosse and go to sober and serene.com and go talk to her, you can. She's got a services page, she's got a free discovery call, you can you can talk to her and see if, if you mesh, even though not all coaches mesh with everybody and stuff. That's why there are a lot of them. And that's why they're needed. But if you're called to do it, just go do it. And, and you'll have fun doing it. Now, what I want to do for a moment is I'm going to set myself over here on the side. And I'm going to give you the opportunity to tell our audience, the ones that are listening now, as they're having lunch throughout Seattle all over the place. And the ones that will be listening to this as it turns into a podcast, which will be on positive talk dotnet. and stuff, I want you to tell them anything that you would like them to know.

Unknown Speaker  52:48  
Well, I think if you're talking about the subject of addiction, and I know, I know, wine addiction, that's what I tell everybody, like, I know wine addiction, I know food addiction, you know, if people really want to dive deep on that, I can have that conversation with them, if they want to a conversation about any, you know, say there have a drug addiction. I absolutely, you know, talk to I always say let's start with a conversation. I am not I pride myself on being the coach that let's start with conversation. I'm not here to sell you, I'm here to really listen to what it is you need. Because if I truly don't believe I can help you, I'm not going to try to sell you anything. However I've been in this industry, for I've been an entrepreneur, I like to say for 20 years. And I know a lot of good coaches. I know a lot of great coaches, I know a lot of great services. So if I can't help you, chances are, I'll have a referral or two, I will have you know, something I'll tweak and I'll go you know what, I think this person might be a better fit for you. So of course, do I want clients? Of course, do I want to work with people? Yes. But I want to provide the best kind of service that I can. So it all starts with a conversation and I just invite people to go to so Rin serene the Contact page, or the Services page, and you can choose how you want to contact me and you can make an appointment and it just takes you exactly to the service you want. And it all starts with conversation. It's

Unknown Speaker  54:22  
one of those things where if you happen to be tuning into the show, and you were just kind of driving around and and you just kind of hit on the show and and you've been intrigued by the content. There's a reason why that happened. It's because you're being led to that. And so it's really as important for you to follow through and to if if if there is if you have an addiction that is genuinely affecting your life in a negative way, and affecting those around you, and you're willing to admit that to yourself, then call a coach Coulson call Sam and she can she can help you through that. So it's I want to thank you for being here. It's been it's been A great hour. I've enjoyed it.

Unknown Speaker  55:02  
Thank you so much Kevin for having me. I like I said, I love the idea of positive talk radio, and I'm so glad I could be part of this conversation today.

Unknown Speaker  55:11  
Me too. I love positive talk radio. As a matter of fact, we've talked about conversations a couple of times, I'm now doing on positive talk radio.net. I'm taking some of my old shows from 2003 Like Neale Donald Walsch, and Kerry, zoo, cough and others, and I'm repackaging them and putting them up because the information is so good. And it's so timeless. So go to positive talk radio dotnet and you'll find out all about that, but I want to thank you so much for being here. Also go to sober and serene.com and you'll find out everything you need and by the way, be kind to one another, because each other's all with God. We'll see you Monday at 9am Have a great day, everybody.

Kevin McDonald

Owner

Creator and Host of Positive Talk Radio and its Parent Company KMmedia.pro

Sam Rafoss Profile Photo

Sam Rafoss

Coach, Mentor, Podcaster

Sam Rafoss is a mom + nana, a coach, mentor, speaker, podcaster and a holistic entrepreneur for over 20 years. She is passionate about sobriety, holistic health, spiritual growth and nurturing relationships with family, friends, peers and communities.