How Vincent Hazenboom Helps Men Heal Addiction | 1.540

The Home Depot (0:00): This Father's Day, do more with dad and spend less with low prices guaranteed at The Home Depot. Get him fired up with a new grill and accessories, like the NextGrill five burner for just $299 so you can spend more time together while he becomes the grill master he was always meant to be, or build memories with savings on top brand power tools so you can tackle projects side by side. Gift more and do more together this Father's Day with help from The Home Depot. Exclusions of Plessy at homekeeper.com/ Price Match for details.

Unknown Speaker (0:30): If you walk into a room and can't remember why, it could be nothing or something more. If you confuse a familiar recipe, it could be a slip up, or it could be associated with amyloid plaque buildup in the brain. Amyloid is a protein that your body produces naturally, but a buildup in the brain could lead to memory and thinking issues. To see what may be behind your memory and thinking issues, talk to your doctor about getting a full assessment. It's never too early to start the conversation.

Unknown Speaker (0:58): Visit amyloid.com to learn more.

Grainger (1:00): When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts, and hard to find parts, You can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1800, click granger.com, or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

Kevin McDonald (1:31): And welcome to Positive Talk Radio, my friends. My name is Kevin McDonald, and we've got a tremendous episode for you today. Michelle is right here. Michelle, say hello.

Michelle (1:42): Hello, people. I hope that you're staying tuned for this episode. It might be a little touchy feely for some, and also make sure if you're listening to this around younger kids that they know it might be more of an adult conversation, but it is something that is huge for parents and anybody with children and for the children. So keeping that in mind, we have Vincent Hazenboom who is gonna be joining us in to talk about what, Kevin?

Kevin McDonald (2:10): We're gonna talk about addiction primarily, but specifically a little bit about porn addiction, which is I don't know if you know this, Rochelle, but it's a bit of an epidemic, and it it really

Unknown Speaker (2:24): go, Kevin.

Unknown Speaker (2:26): And we'll talk about all that with, Vincent when we come back right after this. There's a moment in every life when you decide to rise.

Unknown Speaker (2:36): To stand taller than your fear.

Unknown Speaker (2:39): To speak louder than your doubt.

Unknown Speaker (2:41): To chase the vision that sets your soul on fire.

Unknown Speaker (2:45): This is that moment. And here, we walk it together with stories that awaken, voices that inspire

Unknown Speaker (2:52): And truths that set you free.

Kevin McDonald (2:55): This is Positive Talk Radio with Kevin And with Brichelle. Where hope has a voice. And that voice is yours. You know, Brichelle, and I'm gonna have you introduce Vincent in just a second, but I just gotta say this first, and that is there are addictions in all kinds of forms, and we use them as a crutch to get through life. And some are, you know, like people have workout addictions or nutritional addictions and or they've got substance abuse addictions.

Kevin McDonald (3:30): And then there's the the one that we're going talk about and focus on a little bit today, and that is porn addiction. And it is the number one websites on the internet, unfortunately, all have to do around adult content and pornography. And so we've got a great guest, and you're gonna introduce them right now.

Michelle (3:54): Yes. And I'm excited for this because there's so much changing, so much happening going on in the world. And when we're talking about social things, it kinda changes the perspective. And so Vincent Hizenboom is here to help us understand these things, maybe from a different perspective and learn about what we may not be aware of. So thank you so much, Vincent, for being here.

Michelle (4:17): How are you today?

Unknown Speaker (4:19): Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. I'm doing well. I I'm happy to be here.

Vincent Hazenboom (4:23): It was a long time for us to to finally attend, but, yeah, super excited and also to share my story.

Kevin McDonald (4:31): Yeah. Well, know, the interesting thing is in order for you to be able to speak intelligently on any particular topic, it has to be something that is close to your heart and is something that you've gone through yourself. And that is what we're gonna be talking about today. And Rochelle's absolutely right. If you're listening to this and you have young children, that may not be appropriate for everybody, but it is appropriate for everybody from the standpoint of living your best life and not getting trapped into the addictions that can be self defeating at the same time.

Unknown Speaker (5:08): Vincent, do you agree with that?

Vincent Hazenboom (5:12): Yeah, for sure. I've been struggling with addiction for twenty years and I know it's hard. It's so hard because it felt really a part of me and it was really difficult for me to let that go because it was a place for me to feel safe. But it was really the balance of feeling safe and not living my life. So I it's it's hard.

Vincent Hazenboom (5:36): People say it's a battle and it is, but I really let it go more and say, it's it's something that I really want to acknowledge because there's a lot of taboo on it and people say, well, it's okay to watch some porn or it's okay for teams to watch porn. They don't understand the huge damage that it will take or it can rob your life away for decades. So I really wanted to share and and really talk about it because it's not something that we talk about a lot because a lot of people are afraid or maybe ashamed to talk about it. So yeah.

Michelle (6:15): It's Well, and just as we open this conversation up, Vincent, I wanna address how normal it is to have these thoughts and and curiosities and things because we're human. Right? And that's okay. Not to say that there's something wrong with you, everybody. It's normal.

Vincent Hazenboom (6:36): No. And that's the thing. It's so convenient. It's so easy to access. And you go on the internet and you go on the site and they ask are you 18 years or no?

Vincent Hazenboom (6:46): You click on I'm 18 and you're in. So it's so easy and accessible and for me my parents they didn't know until told them or they figured out that there was something that I had to go through. But I was always in the dark and I never understood why I was so hooked on pornography and it was really trauma that I was there was really a trauma side that I for me, it was a coping mechanism to go to porn.

Kevin McDonald (7:14): Well, and, Rochelle, you you said something that's really, really true and that is we all are curious. We're curious about other people and the people that we're attracted to and that kind of thing. As a matter of fact, when I was a kid, Brigel, there was no such thing as the Internet. And one of the most popular guys in our circle's father had a subscription to Playboy.

Unknown Speaker (7:41): Yes.

Kevin McDonald (7:41): And so he was very popular with us because he we can we can look at naked girls and, like like, Ron White, the comedian, says, if you've seen one woman naked, do you wanna see all the rest of them? And so it's I mean, it's pervasive in our culture these days, but there's a point to where it it ceases to become healthy and become destructive. Is that what you found Vincent?

Vincent Hazenboom (8:09): Yeah, for me it was not curiosity because I, for me it was really a coping, like I said. I was for me, I've been traumatized when I was younger. My mom and I, there were some problems and I didn't get the love from my mom that I needed as a child. So when there was the bond that was broken, I was looking for ways to feel the connection or to get validated by women and that was for me the way to cope the pornography and a lot of people they just watch and they walk away and that's it. But if you're traumatized or something happens to you, you're looking for ways to cope.

Vincent Hazenboom (8:54): So it was not for me just curious, yeah, I enjoyed also to see women how they look and not just naked. But for me, it was really that. So I understand. I also had some pressure on the magazine as well, but for me, it was just the urge to feel connected. That was that I was looking for, the connection.

Michelle (9:15): Yeah. It's like there's you almost fiend for it, you know, like when a person doesn't have a cigarette or you go without a beer or whatever that is because that becomes your norm. Vincent, before we dig too deep, I wanna know your opinion on if you think the age limit should be 18 or older. Maybe younger? You should.

Unknown Speaker (9:34): Or maybe they'd stop?

Unknown Speaker (9:35): I don't

Unknown Speaker (9:35): know. It scared Yeah.

Vincent Hazenboom (9:41): It's it's a big it's a big business and they make millions. And it's really funny because the videos that you can watch are free, but the industry making billions of billions of dollars and also the actors are getting a small fee. I watched a handful of documentaries and it's so toxic. Yes. So what you really what they need should be doing is really get like if you want to enter, you need to have like your ID.

Vincent Hazenboom (10:07): You need to enter that or facial ID so they can see, oh, they they're too young so they cannot enter. But I know it's it's this world, it's really toxic and dark and people are traumatized and that's how the world has been rolling for decades. So I don't see any change right now or they already have done it. So it's really for us, people like me or their parents to be on watch and guards for their children because what happened to me, I was really introverted. I didn't talk.

Vincent Hazenboom (10:38): So people never asked me like, hey Vincent, how are you? What's going on in your life? I was always isolating myself. So that's something that as a collective it's really important that we look at our children, what's going on with them, are they feeling well. We need to talk more about this topic, but also with our children, with people, so we can figure out what's going on.

Vincent Hazenboom (11:01): That's how we really find the system because, yeah, I know they're not gonna put any legal stuff on it because it's money making machine.

Michelle (11:11): Yeah. Well and I'm so sorry, Kevin. I wanna give you a moment, but I have to say this. This is huge for any parent who has a younger daughter and how she is viewing herself with social media compared to what she's actually worth on the inside by how she's dressing, how she's showing up, how her mouth is being run, and what she thinks is okay. Because we still need to protect our our children, but also they need to have the sense of wanting to protect and respect themselves, because everything out in the social media world now is sexualized so much.

Unknown Speaker (11:49): Yeah.

Kevin McDonald (11:49): It really is. And and for those of you who and I I hope there aren't any of you out there that are in this way, but if you are, pornography is not real. It is a stage play. It is there are cameras and there are lights and there's a script and it's all it's all make believe. And what they do is they make believe that everything that is going on on that screen is wonderful and normal, and that's the way it is, and that's not the way it is.

Michelle (12:27): The opposite, Kevin. Now if you do find real things and what exactly that is, Because we we think of intensity. Right? Like everything sexual for humans is intense. But when you start to get into other categories and other things and you find yourself looking at something that is like abuse to another person, do you think that that that's something people can maybe pay attention to also, Vincent?

Vincent Hazenboom (12:54): Yeah. Actually, I watched some documentaries about it and it was really scary because when children watch porn and they see a girl, they think, oh, she really wants the hard stuff. This is what they like. So they wired their brain like, oh girls, they want this. But if a girl rejects them, they get angry.

Vincent Hazenboom (13:12): It's like, I don't understand because I see that girls like this. And then they go in this loop in this vicious cycle and plus they, there's a huge star because when the girl doesn't what the guy wants to do, he's gonna hit her or whatever. So it's really, really toxic and it's really sad because I said in the beginning that the youngest that I saw was eight years old that watched and the dopamine on their brain, it's so messed up because you get dopamine, it's constantly when you watch. So normal dopamine hits you don't get that because when I watching porn and I wanted to go on my life, I was so tired. I didn't have any passion or desire.

Vincent Hazenboom (13:56): I was just sticking at home, playing video games and watching porn and afraid to go out, afraid to talk to girls because of the fear of rejection. So porn does a lot of harm than people really realize.

Kevin McDonald (14:11): It's it's a dopamine hit that that excites all of your senses, but that wears off over time, doesn't it?

Vincent Hazenboom (14:21): It does because it's really ironic because when I watched and then a couple of hours later, I felt so bad, I was beating myself up, I was so angry and I tell myself I should stop, I should really quit and then I remember when I was younger, my parents went out to get groceries and then they hit, it still hit me, was like I need to watch, I need to watch now, now it's my time, now it's my chance. But I was really, I was, I always believed that I was just looking because of the women and I felt I needed it but also the dopamine that I was craving for, the rush, excitement, a new video, but creating new experiences in life, I didn't want that because it was too fearful, it was too scary. So I was always looking for the safe way out and I was watching videos because in the port, it doesn't judge me. I wouldn't get rejected. Nobody tells me no.

Vincent Hazenboom (15:20): So I was always safe and it was so painful afterwards like you said it was so painful and beating myself up. I've been strong for twenty plus years and it was always so sad. Sometimes I just cried and I don't understand why is this so hard for me? Why is it so hard for me to talk to women and go on dates and have a really love life? And I was so confused and then I realized later it's the poor.

Vincent Hazenboom (15:51): It's really, like Kevin said, it's so easy but it's so fake. It's not real. But the brain doesn't know what's real or what isn't real. So the brain wants to feel safe and protected and if it gets the hit then it's fine because when you release it's like oh yeah I did my part right so I impregnated with somebody so yeah I did my job.

Unknown Speaker (16:18): Yeah makes sense.

Kevin McDonald (16:20): Well, you know, and being a former guy like I am, I'm now an old man. But when I I remember when I was 14 and 15, and and it was, because you didn't know what you didn't know, it was a major thing to find out more about what you didn't know. And nowadays, it's it's getting kids have access to pornography at at any a really, honestly, any age that they want to. Any age.

Unknown Speaker (16:52): Mhmm.

Kevin McDonald (16:52): And it is so pervasive out there, but it has long lasting effects. And and one of the things and by the way, Vincent Hazenbloom is our guest, and we're talking about, porn addiction, which really has got multigenerational issues to it because it affects marriages too. It affects kids, it affects marriages, it affects everything. I mean, it affects how you behave and what you think is appropriate and not appropriate and and and that sort of thing. It and and I'm glad that you're out there, Vincent, and with your coaching program, Let's talk about that for a second.

Kevin McDonald (17:30): How are you helping men? I assume it's mostly men, but I I'm also been told that it's a women did you view it as well? Am I am I right, Rochelle?

Unknown Speaker (17:41): No. Oh, yes. I think we're a part of the human too. Yes. So go ahead and speak on your coaching, Vincent.

Unknown Speaker (17:51): Give us some insights, and then I'd love to play a point to ponder before we move forward.

Vincent Hazenboom (17:56): Yeah, first I want him to swallow up. No,

Michelle (18:00): you're good. And for everybody who doesn't know, he is still recovering from an infection. So we're very happy to have him here using his voice.

Vincent Hazenboom (18:09): Yeah. Thank you so much. The first thing that I want to mention also with women, I don't coach them, but yeah, for women, it's different because women are wired different than men because as men, we are wired to meet women and create babies, but for women it's different. So for men, we're because of our testosterone, we're really eager to sleep with women. But for my coaching and thank you so much for mentioning it, is really helping men and it's really men also with marriages because that's something that's usually under the radar or really in the secret, in the dark places that we really, oh, my spouse is out so I can watch and then they watch and it feels a lot of shame or really betraying their spouse or their wives.

Vincent Hazenboom (19:00): So I help men really to understand what's going on, why they watch because I saw it with myself, it's trauma and for a minute maybe not you always trauma but usually it is. Something happened and it's a coping mechanism and it's also with alcohol. If something happens to you, you drink because you want to escape and sometimes for men it's also because they lose attraction maybe to their spouse or there's no more spiciness in the relationship. They look for ways to see how they can spice it up. But it's really sad how you see men struggling every day, the battle that they have with themselves.

Vincent Hazenboom (19:48): And I really want to create more awareness. So when I go to my clients through the processes, first I want to create awareness. What's going on? How do you feel? Why is the need to watch sport?

Vincent Hazenboom (20:00): Why is the need to go for that? And then I show them like, hey, I put really a mirror in front of them and see, hey, this is what's happening to you. And then we go step by step changes because it's a habit. Because what's important, we create these habits. We create neural pathways in our brains.

Vincent Hazenboom (20:23): So that's how we always go back. Sometimes we watch something and then, or for my case, I watch something and then I walk away and I didn't even realize that I was. It's so wired into me. So it's really hard to create new habits and that's how I built the process of understanding what's going on, put in a mirror and then from there taking small action steps for me and for them to create more healthy habits and looking for purpose because as for men and as the Aurelian and younger generation, we lack purpose, right? We just do something.

Vincent Hazenboom (21:09): We've been told at school, you need to do this, you need to do that, but we don't have any purpose anymore. Just doing what the system tells us what we would need to do instead of what do I want? What's important for me? And from there, we're really going towards how we create a better life for ourselves, but also maybe through their story or their journey that they can help other people as well. So it's not just how can I quit pornography, but how can I excel in my life?

Vincent Hazenboom (21:40): What can I do to make the world a better place? So it's super exciting and super cool to see men really rediscover themselves and see, wow, yeah, there's something more. I have more potential than myself.

Unknown Speaker (21:56): Worthy.

Vincent Hazenboom (21:57): But it's really the self love first that man needs to go through because a lot of men have this stoic mask on and they didn't feel good enough or I cannot show any emotion. I need to be strong. I need to be tough. So I really want to break that free from that taboo of I need to be this strong masculine guy and I'm not allowed to cry from I am powerful, I'm good enough and I can beat this and I can move on and create new amazing experience for myself or with my spouse because we want to do everything alone and I want to do it everything by myself for the last twenty years and I discovered we all need help, We all need guidance and once you accept help, then life will become so much better and yeah, that's really my goal and my focus on helping men to not just quitting porn but also create an extraordinary dive.

Kevin McDonald (22:57): You know, the English language is really interesting and the way we phrase things I think is really really interesting because and and Vincent just said that he's like, men like to sleep with with a lot of women. It's like, sleeping has nothing to do with it. I

Unknown Speaker (23:12): just wanna It's

Unknown Speaker (23:14): a good undercover word.

Kevin McDonald (23:16): It is. It's a sanitized way of of saying men like to go and and have sex with. What they're

Unknown Speaker (23:25): supposed to do. You know, I was thinking to myself, Kevin, I was like, if I if I was in a situation with someone who is having issues, which

Unknown Speaker (23:31): I have

Michelle (23:32): been, I now would maybe take the perspective, let's make our own videos that you can watch, and I know at least you're watching me. But maybe not every woman would feel that confidence in there. It's still the point of having to watch something, and that's what we're trying to turn away from because you're worthy without having to do that. But, you know, you could work with Vincent to figure that out. So, Kevin, go ahead and show us what I know is coming.

Kevin McDonald (23:59): Because Vincent said it himself is that, oh, we think courage is being invulnerable, but that's far from the truth. We often think of courage as a shield, a thick wall to prove that we are untouchable. We believe that to be strong is to be invulnerable, hiding our doubts and our soft edges behind a mask of certainty. But true courage isn't found in the armor. It's found in the willingness to take it off.

Kevin McDonald (24:29): Vulnerability is the act of showing up and being seen exactly as you are even when you cannot control the outcome. It's the bravery to say, I'm hurting. I don't know, or I need help. When we hide our struggles, we also hide our humanity. It's only when we are vulnerable can we truly connect, truly learn, and truly heal.

Kevin McDonald (24:50): Armor can protect you, but only vulnerability can transform you. And by the way, we're talking with Vincent Hazen Blue or Boom and Brichelle. You had a question. I do believe I just had one, and I just it went fluttering away into the into the Ethernet.

Michelle (25:11): Well, the biggest thing that it comes to mind is how much a a man's identity from a little boy is already impacted to create this sense of a void that needs to be filled. But then in that void they're trying to fill, they're really shattering their identity even more. I say this from a perspective, Vincent, that is very dear to me. One of my cousins is very young. He's almost 14 now.

Michelle (25:34): And since he could practically talk, I think he's been able to maneuver his way through the internet and was very unaware of at the time. And in the last few years, he doesn't see himself the same. He doesn't act the same. And he now thinks that he needs to be a woman. And trying to explain to a 14 year old that you don't even need to be figuring any of that out right now, and you are so loved just the way you are no matter what you choose.

Michelle (26:06): Have you seen that kind of play out in working with men that they gain their identity back they never had before through being able to be courageous and ask you for help?

Vincent Hazenboom (26:18): Yeah, for sure. That's something that it's really important because that's supposed for me also the same. I was really searching for myself really, who am I? Why am I here? Why am I here in this world?

Vincent Hazenboom (26:31): What's my journey? What's the reason that I been set in this world? And through my journey I realized going through what I've been through is I can help men going through their faces, their challenges, because I've been there. Because a lot of therapists, they don't really go through what I've been through or they just learn from a book and they help people and that's fine, but I'd rather go to somebody that really been through it, really lived it, because that's the best way to learn and there's a lot of confusion and you really can see it in society today. There's a lot of confusion and that's really a rabbit hole that we can go to, but this is something that you really see.

Vincent Hazenboom (27:16): And I talk with a lot of young guys as well, and they're so struggling with themselves, they're so lost and they think they need to maybe fulfill a part of what their parents want them to be or what society wants them to be. So like you said, they always watch on the internet and they see video, maybe an influencer, they change their appearances like, oh I want them too, if I change myself, people will like me, people will see me, people will acknowledge me. And I did that too when I was younger. I tried to be this nice guy. I didn't change my appearance to be women, to be somebody that I'm

Unknown Speaker (27:54): not. Right.

Unknown Speaker (27:55): But I try myself

Unknown Speaker (27:56): Yeah. To

Unknown Speaker (27:58): Talk what?

Michelle (28:00): You did it more internally, so to say.

Vincent Hazenboom (28:03): Exactly. Yeah. I was really shy and introverted and if I just please people, if I just give more and more and more, people will love me, people will see me for who I really am but people just walked over me, people took me for granted, people just take whatever they want and I said this is not okay, I need to change, I cannot be this nice guy and just think that the people are gonna be okay. I had to set boundaries, I had to learn to say no and it was so difficult to tell people no.

Unknown Speaker (28:37): Yeah.

Vincent Hazenboom (28:38): And you really see that people are trying to put a mask on to get approval from others and that's what you really see because they don't love themselves. They don't see themselves valuable. Like I said, if they change themselves, they hope people will love them and so that's not the way of living. You really need to learn to love yourself, to accept yourself for who you are and really figuring out who you are and that's hard and that's difficult but through helping that as well, my clients as well, it's really seeing the potential and it's really the social media is changing every party's people's mindset, their beliefs and it's really important that you stay close to yourself. How do I feel about this?

Vincent Hazenboom (29:25): Does this feel right? No, Then don't do it. Don't change yourself for somebody else because I always say people will come and go and there's a really nice way to say it is when you are in a bus, people will come and go in the bus but you have a choice. You can go out of the bus or stay in the bus. You can talk to people or you cannot talk to people.

Vincent Hazenboom (29:47): So you really are in control of your life, of your destiny, of your mindset, how you think, how you speak. But yeah, it's it's it's really people are so easy to fool or manipulate it. So it's really important to stay close to yourself and really ask, do I really want this?

Kevin McDonald (30:07): Vincent, I gotta ask you because you work with men primarily. And one of the one of the issues that I think porn and porn addiction brings to it, by the way, just so everybody knows, all of these actors, and that's what they are, are actors, are all interviewed and they suffering. And and they are. I we for sure, Michelle said it before we even began. It would be a painful existence to do that.

Kevin McDonald (30:34): But in any event but I gotta ask you because all the women are beautiful, not an ounce of cellulite anywhere or any issues, and all the men, excuse the expression, are hung like a horse. Does that cause guys that are not hung like a horse to lose their confidence in themselves because they don't they think that they're they don't, for lack

Unknown Speaker (31:01): of a

Unknown Speaker (31:01): little bit of humor, measure up?

Vincent Hazenboom (31:07): Yeah, it's really the comparison to other people and that's really also when they watch a guy on a video doing his thing in a scene, People don't realize it's a long scene and they say, yes, okay, stop. And they need to hold on in the same position and then they put some water on their faces and then they keep going. So that's really the thing. Like I said, it's really to look for who you want to become and what's important to you. And don't look for other influencers or porn actors because they're doing their own thing and they think it's what they think it's good for them.

Vincent Hazenboom (31:51): But I, to be honest, I also wanted to be a porn actor as well because when I saw this like, yeah, this is so cool. I can sleep with a lot of women and make a lot of money. But the truth is it's exhausting. Always need to have a hard one and it's not okay, it's not real. So it's really illusion that we are following and I've been at the trap as well.

Vincent Hazenboom (32:15): I was always looking for other people. Why does he has a nice chin? Why is he more masculine than me? And I was always complaining, looking at other people and why is he getting the girl and I'm not? And I was bitching to myself and that's what we're doing.

Vincent Hazenboom (32:31): We're constantly looking for other people and and really like, oh, he has a nice car. Oh, I need a nice car. Oh, he has a beautiful life. Oh, I need a beautiful life. And like you said, and I really what I said was really beautiful, like all women are beautiful and I'm not always attracted to all the women that I see.

Vincent Hazenboom (32:51): They're still beautiful, but I'm not attracted to them. But somebody else is attracted to her and that's so important. We're always in this judgment and always looking, we're always judging a book by its cover but we're not looking inside of the person and that's so important and that's what I've learned. I was always judging women because, oh, she has this hair color, I don't like her. But when I stopped talking to her, was like, wow, she's really cool.

Vincent Hazenboom (33:23): I'm truly attraction with her and porn does that, doesn't do that. It's really the physical, the need. And once I started to go more into my understanding, I need to give women a chance, I need to discover who she is, like you said, when you talk to women or when you watch porn, yeah, you're still curious. But I learned to be curious in the real world. I love to be exploring and see what's going on with this person because women are people too.

Vincent Hazenboom (33:57): They're not a lost object and that's what porn is portraying to lust on women and I've been guilty of that as well. I saw women as a lost object because I wired myself to see them that way but once I moved away from that and really see them as human beings, as people with feelings, with emotions and also going through hard journey or things in their lives, I start to see them differently. So it's really, to answer your question, really stop comparing yourself with others because it's a hard journey and there's only one of you or me and nobody can change that or nobody can compare it with you. So the easy way to say the only competition that you have is with yourself not with other people.

Unknown Speaker (34:47): There you go.

Unknown Speaker (34:47): So there's really to ask. That you yeah. Go ahead.

Michelle (34:51): Yeah. Vincent, I really just wanna ask, and it is a little bit personal. If you don't wanna ask, you don't have to. But I I think this is huge for other people is you would assume that once you learned about the reality of how the porn industry was that you were like, oh, I'm gonna stop doing that and I'm not gonna support it. But that may not have been the reality.

Michelle (35:10): Is that true?

Vincent Hazenboom (35:12): Yeah. I had many times that I told myself, I'm gonna quit. This is enough. This is not healthy. But I was so wired.

Vincent Hazenboom (35:20): I was so hooked on it that I said, just one more time. I worked hard this week, just one more time. And that's also when we're stressed or lonely, we crave for because it's comforting. We don't have to go out and talk to women and don't get rejected. So that was for me also like that, but also always this afterwards I felt so bad beating myself up, just telling myself why, why do you keep doing this?

Vincent Hazenboom (35:47): I know it's just destructive and a really good book that I really highly recommend and that is Your Brain on Porn and it's such a good book. I highly recommend for men to to read it or listen to it. That's there was a snack in the face. Once I listened to that, was like, woah.

Unknown Speaker (36:05): So that's what did

Unknown Speaker (36:06): it was the book? Book. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (36:09): Okay. Okay. Good to know.

Vincent Hazenboom (36:11): That was a snag in the place.

Michelle (36:13): Yes. Congratulations, Vincent. And and to and thank you so much for wanting to do more with your experience.

Kevin McDonald (36:23): And, since we're on this topic, I think I think it bears relevance because, porn is such a pervasive thing in our society, but it leads to other things, especially with children and teenagers involved in sexting and and taking, pictures of themselves and sending them throughout the Internet. By the way, ladies and gentlemen, as you may or may not know, Positive Talk has got 500 1,500 shows, and there's no way I could get any of them back. So if you've got a picture out there that you don't want the world to see, don't take the picture.

Unknown Speaker (37:04): And AI now, Kevin.

Kevin McDonald (37:06): Oh, I've been watching I've been watching old guys like, like, Sylvester Stallone who's now in his late sixties, and I've seen him, and they have set it up so that he does AI karate moves and stuff and beats people up. He can't even hardly walk. And he and I'd but but in but in any event, these and Rochelle can tell you she's she is got a bunch of teenagers around her, and they can tell stories about emails that they've gotten or in some cases that they've sent that are totally inappropriate, and you can't get those things back, Michelle.

Michelle (37:51): Think it's funny for some reason these days, Vincent. Girls will let boys send them pictures just so that they can laugh at them. That is also so wrong. And if it's happening with the boys, it's happening with the girls. So, yeah, Vincent, go ahead and speak on that for a moment.

Vincent Hazenboom (38:09): Yeah. That's that's an interesting topic. And, personally, I don't understand. Maybe it's validation or to feel loved or to feel that knowledge but there you go, they don't see the consequences in it. They say, oh I'm gonna send my picture and the guy's gonna, he's gonna keep it safe but guys are not like that.

Vincent Hazenboom (38:29): It's like, hey you know, hey guy, It's but hey, look, look, this girl, they sent me the picture. Look, look how she is naked.

Unknown Speaker (38:36): Yep. Like

Vincent Hazenboom (38:36): you need to be more aware of what's going to happen when you send stuff like that. Don't trust any guy that is nice to you. You need to keep those things private. If you want to send somebody, send them to you. If you have a crush on somebody, send him over.

Vincent Hazenboom (38:54): Yeah, you can see me here, but I'm not gonna send you anything because you don't know what's gonna do it. And also, when you post it on the Internet and it's gonna get leaked, a lot of people can see it. And a lot of girls and guys as well, they feel ashamed. And if it's go, maybe they're getting bullied or they're getting arrest or whatever. There are also predators that are going through it as well.

Unknown Speaker (39:21): If it's too much, they're going to end their life and I've seen it so many times and it always makes me cry like this is so sad. From your attention, you want to do something good. You want to feel okay. I want to show him to me, to him in private, something vulnerable and then something this happens and then he or she cannot take it and said, I'm done. It's too much stress, too much anxiety.

Vincent Hazenboom (39:50): And I never had locking those intentions that I wanted to end my life, but there's a lot of people, are full of it and they cannot take it anymore and it always makes me cry even though I'm talking about it. Feel it is so sad that people are robbing their selves from life because of that incident. So it's so important that we stay aware of not just the porn but also action has consequences. So we need to, if you really want to do that, just think about it first. What are the consequences?

Vincent Hazenboom (40:25): And I highly recommend not doing it, but you see it's so easy and you can even though if you think I'm secure, can hack your phone. I don't highly recommend also if you take pictures, just put it somewhere safe on a hard drive or stuff like that because if it goes into the wrong hands it's disastrous so really be careful with that.

Kevin McDonald (40:53): Well, and I I prefer to leave stuff to people's imagination. Don't you think, Rochelle? I would be you don't need a you don't need to put your naked self down on a picture and put it because your grandkids are gonna find that at one point in many years from now.

Michelle (41:09): Well, and if you wait with somebody, especially a dude who's trying to get in your pants and you force him to get to know you, you'll know if he really even wants you sexually or not. And if he wants to actually love you. So for the women as well, you know, the young girls, you are already loved so much. Make sure you're reminding your kids of this every single day so that they're not searching for it in ways you don't see behind closed doors. And something we don't really need to talk about, but I wanna touch on because it matters, is how much of a percentage these children who have this addiction with anything sexual that they don't understand is guiding them towards something that could be a sex trafficking thing or or anything of the matter because it it it seriously is dangerous.

Michelle (41:56): It's not just a mental, emotional, spiritual thing that people and children are going through. It it leads to death in lots of scenarios that we have to admit that that's real. So protect yourself, protect your kids, and just

Unknown Speaker (42:12): pay I

Michelle (42:14): think we're not paying that much attention, Kevin.

Kevin McDonald (42:18): No. And and for Shell, and Vincent, I wanna mention this because it's relevant to our conversation. We did an interview with Amy McKernan on Wednesday, and she's got a book out that I think is very destruct or self dis self helpful. Instructive. Instructive.

Unknown Speaker (42:37): It's not destructive. Instructive. Do you remember the name of the book, Prashel?

Michelle (42:42): Yes. I can pull it up right here in just a moment, so come back to me on that.

Kevin McDonald (42:47): Okay. And and the reason I bring that up is she was 15. She went to a party, and she had way too much to drink, and she was taken advantage of by a 15 year old boy who attended the same school who raped her at that particular moment in time. And and because of the love of her family, which not everybody has, she was able to work through it, and then she is able to write this book and stuff. But she this happened on a Friday night.

Kevin McDonald (43:16): By Monday when she attended school, the entire school knew because the boy did not shut up about it. So and so that became a very and that could have led to a suicidal situation. Fortunately, she had the the family backing and and and support to get through it. But that Vincent, your point is very well taken. You know, sex is a wonderful thing.

Kevin McDonald (43:46): It also can be the most destructive, awful thing in the world if it's taken out of context and not done out of love. I I may maybe I sound like an old fashioned dude because, you know, the the friends with benefits thing and all that kind of stuff that you know?

Unknown Speaker (44:04): But that's still for adults, and there's still boundaries. That's the point.

Kevin McDonald (44:09): That's that's true. Maybe. Depends depends on if there's an agreement in place between said adult partners that there's going to be those boundaries in place because Vincent, when my my former wife was a playground school teacher, and during during and and this and this is, you know, ten years ago. And a a young girl walked up to her and said to her, missus McDonald, can you get pregnant from having anal sex? The child was 11 years old.

Unknown Speaker (44:48): Wow.

Kevin McDonald (44:50): So that's not to say that she was a degenerate. That is the age group now where these things begin. And so us as adults need to be cognizant of that when we are around children and and stuff that

Michelle (45:05): seven, Kevin, when I thought that that's how you get pregnant because that's what I was told.

Kevin McDonald (45:11): And that is just and so it is it is it's very prevalent, and people get caught up in that in the addiction of it. And it can and it ruins marriages too, doesn't it? Talk about that, Vincent. How it can affect somebody's marriage because, she's had a couple of kids now, and she's got some, wrinkles on her belly, and and she doesn't look like that 23 year old model anymore that you married and and stuff like that, how does that affect marriage negatively?

Vincent Hazenboom (45:48): Well, it's not really my super expertise, but what I can say is really keep working on yourself because even though you're not this hot supermodel when you were before, you can still work on yourself. You don't have to like put a lot of makeup or creams, but you can start eating healthy. You can go to the gym, you can work on yourself, you can learn a course or do something that's important. But what I've learned and discovered in my own experiences and talking with men about it is really we stop talking. We stop talking in relationships.

Vincent Hazenboom (46:22): There's no banter, there's no more fun, there's no more excitement. There's so when we meet, there's exciting, there's a buzz, you feel in love. But once you start in the relationship, it gets in this structure of safety ness, sitting on the couch, watch some movies and she thinks well is this is it? Is this is the guy that I've been married to? In the beginning was fun, the sex was great, we did go out, but now everything is stagnating.

Vincent Hazenboom (46:57): So what women does and also for men too, they're look for excitement like yeah I'm gonna go out and I have a party or I'm gonna go out with my girlfriends and then she meets a guy that sparks her emotion and then she's like, oh yeah, that's really missed. That's what she really missed and she craves it from her partner. So what I always say to guys when you meet girls and want to have a girlfriend or a wife, keep on having that, keep on having that mystery, keep on surprise her, put on a blindfold and drive her to someplace nice and go for a walk or a restaurant and or do something special and that's what you really see nowadays that we stopped doing that and it's so sad because we can create so many cool new experiences. So I always try to tell guys like keep doing that. On doing what you start in the beginning.

Vincent Hazenboom (47:54): Keep on doing that the rest of your life with your partner because then she feels acknowledged and she doesn't have to work so hard to feel validated or she looks at other guys or stuff like that. So it's really important for guys that are married to women that they're exciting, make it exciting, make it cool, make it fun, do something special and you don't have to be a slave, but really do something special every single day. Just tell her how nice she looks and if she says like, do you like my dress? You tell her like, yeah, you look nice but I really like the other dress, the red one. It looks so much better on you.

Vincent Hazenboom (48:36): You make her feel special and that's what as men, what I feel is so important and appointment too, that they don't have to work and change themselves because they're afraid that they don't look good enough. It's not about the looks, it's really how can you create something special with each other and I'm so out, sometimes I'm so blown away, maybe for you too Kevin, I don't know how your relationship is with your wife, but when they are really in a marriage for such a long time, it's so special because a lot of people don't have it anymore, but they have a long marriage. So what I feel with marriage men is when you're really stuck in the pornography, ask yourself how can I spice up my life with my partner? How can I do something exciting instead of sitting on the couch and watching Netflix or video games, whatever?

Unknown Speaker (49:34): Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (49:34): Go be creative. Do something special.

Michelle (49:38): Just a piece of advice for you men out there. The more your woman feels safe and seen and special and loved, she will crawl all over you all the time. So test it out. It's good advice. Exactly.

Unknown Speaker (49:53): Well and and, Brushelle, I want I'm gonna paint a picture for you because I did this for my wife for an anniversary one time.

Unknown Speaker (50:00): Okay.

Unknown Speaker (50:01): And I rented a limousine. And I didn't tell her what was going on. I told her girlfriend when she got the limousine came and I I threw her into it. Okay. I let her get into the limousine.

Kevin McDonald (50:16): And then they picked up a friend and they went to Jean Juarez to have a day of beauty. And so to have the massage and the pedicure and the manicure. And then they came back and they picked me up and we went and picked her husband up and we took him out to a five course, five star dinner and stuff. And then we went in in the limousine and and toured Seattle and and some of the highlights and stuff. And she still left me after twenty four years.

Unknown Speaker (50:45): So, you know, stop

Unknown Speaker (50:46): the time.

Michelle (50:47): You should've left her that night. You should've known that was your cue because she wasn't in love with you, and that was the point of that. You cannot force that's a good point though, Kevin, because you can't keep buying and forcing some women to love you if you don't even love yourself. Right, Vincent?

Unknown Speaker (51:06): Yeah. Self love is so important.

Unknown Speaker (51:08): Women and men can be horrible people.

Vincent Hazenboom (51:13): Yeah, for sure. But it's fine to treat your wife, to do something special, but like I said, don't be a slave. Don't do things because you're afraid. If you don't do that, she's gonna leave you. You still need to be close to yourself and love yourself.

Vincent Hazenboom (51:26): And I would say, love yourself no matter what. You're the only person that you in a way of you're the most most important person in your life because you are with yourself 20 fourseven.

Unknown Speaker (51:39): Yep.

Vincent Hazenboom (51:39): And if we say like the bus again, people come and go and you don't have control over that. Even though you're doing all your best that you can, maybe she gets tired or something happens and she wants to leave the relationship. You have no control but do something special from time to time like what Kevin did. She will always remember that for the rest of her lives. Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker (52:02): Remember, Kevin, when you did this? Or remember, Kevin, when you did that? She will remember that. And that's so special. And, yeah, just don't be bored of.

Michelle (52:12): By the way, that is beautiful. Me and Vincent both agree.

Unknown Speaker (52:16): Yeah. It is.

Kevin McDonald (52:17): Well, I know. And we had champagne in the in the limousine, and we had and it it it was a it was a really fun time and and but that, you know, but those things come and go, you do the best you can. And sometimes it works, sometimes it don't. And, but I can tell you that I'm, you know, I'm still a romantic guy at heart. So my number, by the way, everybody is no.

Kevin McDonald (52:39): Never mind. But in any event, Rochelle, but that's and and Vincent, that is the core of who we are. But sometimes porn addiction can get into the way, and you and you cease to be attracted to your mate because she doesn't look like the one in the porn screen and all that kind of stuff and that's how a lot of dysfunction happens as well, doesn't it?

Vincent Hazenboom (53:02): Yeah, for sure and like we discussed, it's an illusion, it's not real. When you see girls sometimes they have like set and they have operations or they have botox or it's not real. So you need to what I always say and that struck hard to me for some couples they have so much fights and what came to me was when you're having a hard time with somebody, realize when you go in bed with her and sleep, maybe she will not wake up the next day and you're so angry because you had a fight but I always say be grateful for what you have because a lot of people don't have what you have or have the partner or a lot of women are men also a widow because they lost their partner and it's so heartbreaking that we're not even aware that our partner can pass on or something can happen. Maybe she got in a car accident. So always, always be grateful for what you have and the relationship which you have with your partner.

Vincent Hazenboom (54:14): Yes, sometimes it doesn't work out and then you need to make a decision but it's so important that we stay close to ourselves that we need to learn to love ourselves. I always say you cannot love or you cannot give love if you don't love yourself. So we need to stay close to ourselves and it's really hard and difficult because I cannot think like everybody else or how they feel or what they're going through, but you will know, your heart will tell you if he or she is the right person. A lot of people are in a toxic relationship and they don't even know it. They see the red flags, but they're so afraid to say this is not gonna work out.

Vincent Hazenboom (54:54): I've also been in a toxic relationship and I was so afraid to walk away from it. It took me a year or months to even tell her that it was not gonna work out and I was so afraid to be alone again. I was so afraid to give up sex. I was so afraid of being alone again but I realized I need to take care of myself. I need to love myself and it was the best decision that I made for myself to say this is not going to work out because then I can learn, I can grow and also for her because I was thinking about her because if I let her go, she can also grow, she can also do her own thing.

Vincent Hazenboom (55:30): So I always look for the ways both ways, not just being selfish and only think about myself. So don't change, try to change yourself or your partner because that's not gonna work. Just figuring out how, figuring it out how you can do it together and that's so important and that's how you really make a great relationship. Just talk with each other. Also when you have problems, I know the men and women dynamic is sometimes challenging but it's important that we really talk how we feel, what's going on.

Vincent Hazenboom (56:00): Also for men, we're so afraid to really say how we feel, but also for women it's really important because then they know that what's going on. So yeah, that's really, really important that we really stay connected with ourselves, that we need to talk more and don't change ourselves. Michelle says, stay true to yourself. It's so important that you love yourself, take care of yourself because you're It's

Unknown Speaker (56:25): good to be different. Right?

Unknown Speaker (56:27): Yep. And and Vincent, if somebody wants to work with you, how do they find you?

Vincent Hazenboom (56:33): They can find me everywhere on social media. Not on the sites, but

Michelle (56:41): Well, do tell. Do tell. What platforms and just by searching your name your name?

Vincent Hazenboom (56:45): If they search my name, Vincent Hardenbaum, they can find me there. I'm on Facebook. I'm on Instagram, all that good stuff. And I'm also working on my coaching business and also gonna build a course for men to quit pornography and from there excel and create a better life for themselves because that's that's what men we need that. We need to have purpose.

Vincent Hazenboom (57:07): We need something to move forward. We need we need grow. But but society and this system really wants and keeps you so small. So you're not grow and excel. So that's my goal for men to really see the potential and the growth and what they can do for the loved ones themselves and for society and how we can all make a better place like what Kevin does with his podcast and I'm really grateful for that.

Unknown Speaker (57:40): Yes.

Unknown Speaker (57:40): And well, thank you, Vincent. That I I really appreciate that. And I'm I'm remembering, like, a a statement by Robin Williams on The Tonight Show. And I wanna I wanna share this again, and you tell me if this is true. I that God gave men two heads, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

Unknown Speaker (58:01): Is that true?

Unknown Speaker (58:02): I've been paying attention. But let Vincent tell us.

Vincent Hazenboom (58:07): Well, the most interesting about that, we have two heads, but we have a masculine and a feminine. And because in men we think we only have the masculine, but that's not the case. We also have the feminine. And when I was younger, I was so stuck in my feminine, I was really afraid to talk to women, was really afraid to have a bit of challenge with them and I realized I need to also be in my masculine. So I learned to be in the balance with yin and yang how I say the masculine is really the action and the feminine is the love and we really need to be in balance because also women have the masculine and the feminine.

Vincent Hazenboom (58:48): So you're correct with the two hats, but you need to have the balance because there's also when you have a captain on a ship, two captains, it's really difficult because one captain wants to go left and one captain wants to go right, but it's really make the decision to move forward. So it's really important to stay again, stay connected to yourself but really discover who are you, the masculine and the feminine, what are your potential, what can you do, what are you creating potentials? So it's really important to really go there.

Kevin McDonald (59:20): You know and Vincent I I would love your opinion on this and Rochelle you can also weigh in. And that is generally speaking, then the relationship when men and women meet, women have most of the power. Because you're reaching out to them for whatever reason, either because of how they look or the energy that they've got or whatever. And they at that moment can make that decision as to whether or not to talk to you or or engage with you or just shove you off. And so men need to take a different attitude about that, not from a from a position of beggary.

Unknown Speaker (1:00:07): Oh, please talk to me. Please talk to me. You're so pretty.

Unknown Speaker (1:00:10): I want you to talk to me, please.

Kevin McDonald (1:00:12): And and from a matter of that to treat a woman like, oh, I don't know, maybe an equal and another person, and and see if you can if if you resonate together and before you go sleep with somebody, because that I think that's really important then. And porn, if you get rid of porn, you will find that regular people start looking more attractive to you again, I think.

Vincent Hazenboom (1:00:41): Yeah, it's interesting because what I haven't shared is I also been in the pickup industry and what the pickup industry is, it's also really toxic and the pickup industry is men getting women getting late and that's what it's focused on and I've been there because I felt if I do this then I can sleep with a lot of women and then I'm the guy I have all these numbers and I can check it off my board But it was really hard because I also went in that road and then I had scripts. I had tried to manipulate her in moving her in a certain way, in a certain style or how I can move her so I could get what I want to sleep with her. But I didn't even think about her or her emotions or what I feel and as men it's important that we stay grounded, that we are on purpose, that we go to the gym because like Kevin said, then you're gonna feel different and then you're gonna, you're not gonna be above women, but you're gonna stand your ground. And whatever, what I mean by that is women are attracted to men that are has a purpose, that takes action, that's feel that is going to the gym, not just to build muscle to get women, but they know they feel good, they feel good about themselves and they can interact with women and I see that for myself.

Vincent Hazenboom (1:02:07): I also do salsa dancing, Vachata dancing.

Unknown Speaker (1:02:11): Oh, good for you.

Unknown Speaker (1:02:12): And that transforms

Unknown Speaker (1:02:14): Can you do salsa dancing if you've got two left feet? That's so that's my case. I need

Unknown Speaker (1:02:18): to see.

Unknown Speaker (1:02:20): For sure.

Unknown Speaker (1:02:20): Yeah. I I can't just spin you around all the time. So I

Michelle (1:02:23): just there's no There you go. I wanted to point out that what what you guys were just saying is is huge too for whether you're the man or the female in any situation. Because if you're able to be manipulated by that person, they now get to decide how you feel about yourself and what your identity is. So keep that to yourself, stay strong, and don't

Unknown Speaker (1:02:44): Don't give away the power.

Michelle (1:02:46): Yeah. I think that that's so good. Vincent, we still have so much to talk to you about, and hope you know we're out of time. Thank you, Kevin, again, as Vincent said, for creating the space because lord knows what we'd do without Positive Talk Radio. Thank you everybody who's joined us in to, engage in the learning and the understanding and the powerful message that Vincent shared with us that it's okay to be human, and it's okay to need help.

Michelle (1:03:14): Vincent, please tell us again where people can reach you and any last ideas you'd like to leave us with.

Vincent Hazenboom (1:03:22): Yeah. Again, they can look for me on the Internet, Vincent Hasbro. I've not been so much active. I also have my own podcast, but I put it on the site for a bit because I have other priorities that I need to do, especially with helping men porn. So they can find me there and I will share what I've learned in a short way and that is I've been afraid of life, just most of my life, I was really afraid and in 2014 I got a wake up call and that changed everything.

Vincent Hazenboom (1:03:58): And there my self development journey started. So what I always tell people when they ask me for advice is start working on yourself. You get more attracted, your life will change, you feel more better or you feel more good about yourself. I've been stagnated for decades, didn't move forward, I was always afraid, I was afraid to go out. Salsa dancing, I was shaking on my feet and you have to take small steps because your nervous system is overreacted or you've been so traumatized that it's really hard for your brain and your nervous system to understand that it's not danger.

Vincent Hazenboom (1:04:37): It's really something that happened. So I learned to breathe through the situation even though now I've been on multiple self sundancing and courses and all that, I still feel the nervousness but I had to accept it. I understand okay it's there, I cannot change it but I'm still doing it, I'm taking action. So that's so important. If you want to change your life, you have to take action, you have to be uncomfortable in certain situations, you have to be what Captain said beautifully, be vulnerable, especially for men, you have to be vulnerable also with women, but vulnerability is key because then you really connect with each other.

Vincent Hazenboom (1:05:20): So that's so important and really live the best life that you can because one day you're gonna be on your deathbed and then you're gonna say, oh I wish I did this, oh I wish I asked this girl a lot or I wish this, I wish I started my business. Do it now because you don't know how long you have. We think we're gonna be eight years old. We don't know, maybe tomorrow it's gonna be your last day. So enjoy your life every second that you have.

Vincent Hazenboom (1:05:50): Smile, have fun, be positive, be creative and that's how we need to learn to live life because life is beautiful and we need to take full advantage of it.

Michelle (1:06:03): And as Samuel would say, who's here, maybe not in time to comment, but we are all one and we're stronger together. And, Kevin, I've just gotta say that showing vulnerability is showing your strength. Remember that. And Samuel came in right before we're closing up to say jumbo jumbo, host brother Kevin McDonald, sister ambassador Brichelle, and guest Vincent Hazenboom watching you live from Kiberia Restoring Hope Center based in the slums of Nairobi, Kenya. This is our favorite program, Positive Talk Radio Show.

Michelle (1:06:34): We are tuned in and watching live. Together, we are strong and one, as I didn't forget to mention that well. Positive talk, Gretty Oshoi. And remember everybody, seriously, to show your vulnerability is to show your strength.

Unknown Speaker (1:06:52): And, you know, Rochelle, I whenever we have a a show focused on men's issues, I've come up with something that I really would like to say at the end of every of those shows. What do you think?

Unknown Speaker (1:07:04): Go ahead. Please do.

Unknown Speaker (1:07:06): No means

Michelle (1:07:08): no. Yeah for anybody not just men.

Unknown Speaker (1:07:12): No and say it.

Unknown Speaker (1:07:14): Sentence. Not

Vincent Hazenboom (1:07:15): just thinking it, actually saying it. And I know it's hard especially in the beginning but once you do it more and more and more it becomes easier. Really do it because it saves you a lot of pain, lot of drama, a lot of stress, burnout. When you feel that you want to say no, say no and if this person gets angry, give it back to them, it's their problem, it's not your responsibility to change them or make them feel better, no means

Kevin McDonald (1:07:42): no. And oftentimes what that does mean is that they had no regard for who you are anyway. So just let it go. And as Paul McCartney would say, let it be. Brichelle, it's been a great week.

Kevin McDonald (1:07:56): Thank you for being here.

Michelle (1:07:57): Thank you, everybody. We love you so much, and we can't wait to see you flying back around with us next week to show what strength you've been able to find in your vulnerability.

Kevin McDonald (1:08:07): Thank you for being part of Positive Talk with Kevin McDonnell, where stories inspire and voices remind us of what truly matters. May today's conversation give you hope, courage, and a reason to keep moving forward. And just remember, till next time, be kind to one another because each other's all we've got.

The Home Depot (1:08:31): This Father's Day put the focus on dad's happy place, his garage. Shop more ways to organize, more ways to build, and more ways to spend time together with low prices guaranteed at The Home Depot. Get him a rolling toolbox or a wall mounted organizer to keep it all in place, or save on power tools like the Ryobi two tool driver drill combo kit for just $99. Make Father's Day about building something together with a little help from The Home Depot. Exclusions apply to homedepot.com slash price match for details.

Unknown Speaker (1:09:00): If you walk into a room and can't remember why, it could be nothing or something more. If you confuse a familiar recipe, it could be a slip up, or it could be associated with amyloid plaque buildup in the brain. Amyloid is a protein that your body produces naturally, but a buildup in the brain could lead to memory and thinking issues. To see what may be behind your memory and thinking issues, talk to your doctor about giving a full assessment. It's never too early to start the conversation.

Unknown Speaker (1:09:28): Visit amyloid.com to learn more.

Grainger (1:09:31): When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts, and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place, so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1800, click grainger.com,

Unknown Speaker (1:09:55): or just stop

Grainger (1:09:56): by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.