Listen Live on 1150AM KKNW Seattle, Facebook and Youtube!
349 | A Must-Watch Interview with Sam Rafoss on Positive Talk Radio!

November 04, 2022

349 | A Must-Watch Interview with Sam Rafoss on Positive Talk Radio!
Play Episode

I've been a holistic entrepreneur for over 20 years and sober for two years. My whole life I've been dedicated to healthy living and embracing the mind, spirit, body connection. Sober and Serene is my legacy mission to help individuals embrace sobriety, get healthy and take control of their life.

Check us out:
https://www.positivetalkradio.net/support/
https://kmmedia.pro/our-store
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/positivetalkradio
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/positivetalkradio/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@positivetalkradio?lang=en
Twitter - https://twitter.com/positivetradio


Transcript

Unknown Speaker  0:03  
Welcome to positive talk radio. Our goal is simple to explore evolving ideas, one conversation at a time. So stay with us. And right now, we present. I've got a great show for you today and a wonderful guest that has been on the show before. And we've talked to her a little bit. And I just had to have her back because we didn't get everything done that we wanted to get done. And so now we get to get more done, if that makes any sense at all. Her name is Sam Rufus. And she is a counselor, she is a podcaster. She's soon to be a budding author. And we can talk about that a little bit as well. The book that she has, that she's going to be putting out, she's got a website that you can get you that you can reference when you can go to sober and serene.com. And you can find out all about her, and the work that she's doing and what she's done. And I wanted to start off today if I could, because you went through a period of time it by the way, we all get to go do this, whether we want to or not, but your mom got sick, and and then she she sadly passed away. But then you had what you describe as a spiritual awakening. Can you please kind of describe what that was and what it was like for you?

Unknown Speaker  1:29  
Sure. And I think for me, it might even be better to say a spiritual reawakening. And the reason I say that is, is just the the way that I was raised with my parents and, and I always, I try to make it funny. And even though I'm not naturally funny, Kevin, but Hi. I was born in I was born in a city in Saskatchewan. I was born in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, when I was five years old, my parents and then four older siblings, four older sisters, two younger brothers, so six of us kids, my parents moved us to the farm. And I thought my parents had absolutely lost their mind. Because, Kevin, are you in the era of Green Acres? Oh, yes. Okay. So those of you that are, you know, you'll get my reference to it. So here I am this, this young young girl that you know, is in, in the city life. And, you know, we have been going to gymnastics lessons and Baton lessons and, and to church each weekend and, and I grew up singing in church, and all of these, you know, lay spiritual things, and family things that you do as you're growing up. Yet, when we moved to the farm, it, it literally was looking like, you know, things were falling down. And I couldn't, I couldn't and my five year old brain could not wrap my head around the fact that my parents would do this. So anyway, I digress. We, we we grew up we had the farm life, it was beautiful. When I look back on it, it was absolutely ideal. Like, like I said, we went to we went to church every weekend. And I've always felt like our family was very spiritual. So I was raised in a spiritual environment. And take us take us into you know, as I'm growing up and going through, you know, different facets of my life. And when my mom got sick, it it wasn't that that was what made me take a pause. It was just there was a lot of things going on in my life that and you and I've talked about it too, that you know, things kind of blow up. So when I was spending time with my mom, I I still think that spiritual awakening and why I can look back on it now and think of it that way was if my life didn't quote blow up, I wouldn't have got extra time spent with my mom because even though she was sick, it was nothing super serious. It was nothing that that should have, you know, made her pass away or anything and that's what happened. But the the spiritual awakening reawakening came after that as I assessed my life as I assessed and went, Okay, wait a second if all of those things that had happened in 2018 wouldn't have happened which I thought were you know terrible and you and I've talked about it you know, the the country song gone backwards you know, your your dog dies Yeah, you know, you you lose your job and for me it wasn't necessarily losing my job it because I was working for myself. It was just a lot of things happen that year and you know, I contracts didn't renew or said like And anything that it was trying to make happen wasn't working. So I finally you know, threw my hands up and said, Okay, I guess I need to take a break, which made me spend some time at the farm where my mom was living with my older sister. So I've got this beautiful period of four months with my mom that I wouldn't have had, if my life wouldn't have blown up.

Unknown Speaker  5:25  
But that's part of the plan.

Unknown Speaker  5:27  
Exactly. Somebody else's. And, and we, we laughed about it, I think last time that you know, we make plans and God laughs Yep. So I had plans for my life. But I mean, God knew deep down that I wanted to spend some extra time with my mom, it was always in my head and my heart, but I kept putting it off because she was five hours away from where I was. And so that's where I say the the spiritual part comes in is because deep down God knew that whatever was going to happen with my mom was going to happen. And this is the way I rationalize it for myself and make it make sense. So I got those four months with my mom to be with her every day to play cards to cook with her laugh with her to, to eat with her to get to know my sister and her husband and her daughter that all farm together, and I got extra time with them. And I got to even go more quote within, you know, really, you know, spent more time in prayer and more time in meditation and, and walking out nature doing all the things that I said I did, and I sort of did before that, but I was so focused on getting things done and making things happen, that even my meditation times, and some of the self care practices I were doing, was doing, I was shortchanging myself.

Unknown Speaker  6:51  
Yeah, well, you see, and that's why I wanted to bring that up. Because I believe, honestly, that all of us reach a point in our life. When we say, you know, basically, is this all there is? And why am I really here? And it's important for us to when that comes, because it comes for all of us. Oh, some of us bury it and say, Nah, I'm not gonna change anything. And I can't, I can't I the jobs too good, I need the money. The wife doesn't like it. I don't know, you know, we come up with a lot of excuses. But we all come to a point when our inner self, our soul, if you will, says, This isn't what you were meant to do. This isn't why we came here, why we came here was something totally different. And let us lead you into where that is. So that you can lead the light that you were meant to lead, and thus, be happier with the light that you're now leading.

Unknown Speaker  7:50  
So true. So true. And sometimes it sometimes it takes the, the, the and the problem isn't the right word, it takes something to seemingly look like it's, you know, devastation or, you know, at the at the point that it's happening, it looks like, you know, why is this happening to me, I don't want this to happen to me, it doesn't feel good. And it hurts, it's not the way it's supposed to be. Yet, it's still the easiest way. Or the the way that you've you've made it happen, like I made it happen for myself by not listening to what I really wanted and trusting what I really wanted, I kept ignoring it, I kept ignoring the signs, you know, the, you talk about, you know, you get that little tap on the shoulder, you get the thought or whatever. And then sometimes it takes it takes the two by four to really, you know, hit you over the head and go like you're not listening.

Unknown Speaker  8:57  
It always takes at least for for me, and I can really speak for me, but it always takes a two by four to get me to get my intention. And and then to move in in the direction that I have already chose for myself. I just didn't know it. And so they they give me a hint. They say okay, well, here you go. This is this is how we're going to help you achieve the plan that you set out for yourself.

Unknown Speaker  9:29  
You're right. I I fully subscribe to that, that. That that thinking is Well Kevin. Well, and we're belief that's my belief too.

Unknown Speaker  9:40  
Yeah. And for me, it's actually even annoying because it's like it always happens. It always, you know, things happen in our life. Well as an example. Last year in in July, my mother was 90 years old. And she had not had very many sick days in her whole life. And she was fine. And she was 90 and she was playing, she played bridge on Wednesday, she went out to dinner on Thursday, she was going to a, a birthday party and a bridge party on Saturday. And she died Friday night. Totally unexpected. And, and but it was the way it was designed and meant to be for her for her life to play out the way it did. And then also for how all that fell out to the family of how we were able to deal with that and had to deal with that. And it all played out the way it was supposed to play out. And even though we didn't want it to play out that way, and I know that you didn't want your mom to pass away. And I mean, that was it. She had been ill. But was it still a surprise that she passed away?

Unknown Speaker  10:52  
Oh, yeah. Because her her illness was there, there was nothing life threatening. It was just she, my mom would get pneumonia and get better. Because she had complete completely with it like she was at 81 at the time she passed away. But you know, she was still moved. Well, she, she was well in all aspects. But she would get pneumonia. And because she had lost so much weight, her and I were typically about the same size. But the the year that I was lost with her, she was probably at least 20 pounds less than I was and she we we would again, we would joke around with her. And I would say Mom, we got to get some meat on your bones and things like that. So it was the last time when she did get pneumonia in her body for whatever reason, she just couldn't fight it off. So there, it wasn't like she had any illness that she was expected to die from.

Unknown Speaker  12:00  
So then it really was a blessing that your business was kind of stagnant and things weren't going that well and so that you had the time to be able to go and spend four months with her. Not knowing at the time that that was going to be the final four months of her life. But it was an important part of your journey. As you went through that those experiences. Would you agree with that?

Unknown Speaker  12:26  
Kevin, I because Hindsight is 2020. I look back on that. And I am just so grateful. I'm so grateful that I got that time with her. Because if that wouldn't have happened if things were still going so well for me. I mean, in truth, I probably would have gone and visited for a long weekend, you know, taking my kids and we because we would literally try to at least see my mom once a year. But I look back on it and think my goodness, like I am just so blessed that I have I'm full of so many memories and full of so much love and gratitude for it because I I think I left the farm would have been in April, beginning of April of that year, and came back to Calgary and my mum had passed away. She passed away June 23 of that year. So it was completely unexpected. We we did get to see her my daughter's and I did get to Edmonton where she was in the hospital. And we did all all of the siblings made it like my siblings, everyone made it that wanted to I think except for one brother that, you know, was driving and didn't didn't make it in time. But yeah, it was, it was definitely shocking for all of us.

Unknown Speaker  13:50  
You know what happened to you. And with that, that period of time, I call it the 50,000 foot effect. And let me explain what that is, for those of you who haven't heard it before. And that is that we don't get to have the 50,000 foot view, you know, if you get on an airplane, and you can see, you know, lots of lots of land and where you're going and, and and the hills and the mountains and all that. And but when you're on the ground, you don't get the benefit of that. You get to see the what's one step ahead of you, and one step behind you. And that's what that's the metaphor that I use for our life. Because that's what we get, we get the ground level view. And so we have to trust and have faith that we're walking in the right direction. And those around us that are around us in the spirit world will help us and guide us in the right direction. And if we go in the wrong direction, they gently or in some cases not so gently push us into the right direction so that we're going to because they know where we want to go. We don't know how to get there. They have they know where we want to go. And so they just guide us there. And at least that's, that's my frame of mind. That's my opinion. Is that a good metaphor?

Unknown Speaker  15:09  
Yes, I love it. I, I, I'm gonna use that, Kevin, you may,

Unknown Speaker  15:14  
is he you? Please do because it really is for me, it it, it tells me everything that I'm doing in life that I'm that I'm being led to do. And I've got, and we all do. I know you've got stories in your life where it was paramount that you made a change made the switch, we're gonna talk about that in a second, I made the switch in your life. And you recognize that it was time to do it, even though it was difficult for you to do it at the time. But you knew that that was your direction. And that was being that was a gift that was given to you, I believe. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  15:55  
Thank you, I think it did, it did come from that whole time period. Because after, after my mom passed away in 2019. And because my business had been, you know, on pause for a little bit as I was, you know, either hanging out with my mom or dealing with the grief. And then during that time period, because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, I kept thinking, oh, yeah, I can go back and do what I normally do. But my, my heart wasn't in it. So I just had a part time job, I had a part time job that, you know, kept that kept some money rolling in and allowed me allowed me the time for that extra, extra inner reflection. So for the you know, the spiritual work that has you and I both know that the inner work, you have to do the inner work, nobody that nothing comes from outside, nothing fixes us from outside, no matter what we might look to, to solve a problem. But it still is all us whatever is going on in the inside. And until you deal with that, it, it's things are still going to keep happening.

Unknown Speaker  17:05  
And it's important at one time in your life, when it really asserts itself, that you follow your heart, follow what's inside of you of what you really want to be able to do, go go do. And that's, that's really important. And then there are things in our lifestyle that we have, that we recognize at one point or another that this may not be the best thing for you, for me or for anybody to be doing. And you came to one of those places in your life, hence the name of your website, which is sober and serene.com. You can go there and find out all about Sam about all of her work about our services. She does a podcast and and I really appreciate that you do that and stuff. But and you also are and we'll talk about this too, you're calling for authors because you want people to collaborate with you on the first book that will be entitled sober and serene. Right?

Unknown Speaker  18:05  
That's right. I, I tell you when you're a serial entrepreneur, I guess is that what you could you could call me I just want to hit the entrepreneurial bug and you like creating and you like having control over your own life. And my my brand previous to this brand was love brand new and you and I have talked about it on the lot. The last episode. However, behind the scenes in from 2020 is when I had started to face I guess, bringing him back to some of the spiritual awakening stuff. So as I'm digging deep and I'm going within and I'm trying to figure out what I need to do next, the the realization of my coping mechanism of drinking copious amounts of wine most days is when it really really hit me that you know what, I think I have a problem. And maybe somebody else from the outside might might have looked at me and thought, you know, there is no, no problem. But I knew there was a problem and I was drinking a lot of wine. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  19:21  
Well, if if you recall, the last time we talked, you had friends when you said I'm quitting drinking, I'm not gonna drink any more wine. And you had people that will say to you, oh, come on, Sam, you don't have a problem. I you know, there's no reason for you to do that. Because that means we can't go out and drink wine anymore. We wanted to suck you in.

Unknown Speaker  19:42  
Well, and and in defense to them. They they saw the same thing as as the public persona of me because I I like to say, you know, I still I still didn't want to drink and drive. So even when I was out I was you know, well behaved. For the most part and had it together, where I always talk about, you know, I put up a door when I'm doing presentations, you know, I put that the door on the house because it was behind closed doors where most of my drinking took place. Because I could drink safely at home and, and it creeps up on you. And so for me, I would go home and I'd have a glass or two of wine, but then it would be like, Oh, well, I might as well just finish the bottle, there's only a little bit left. So it became very habitual for me to just go home and drink a bottle. And then at the end, I would say the last year or two of my drinking, it would it was very easy for me to dip into the that second bottle.

Unknown Speaker  20:48  
And you always had that second bottle available to you,

Unknown Speaker  20:52  
of course, oh my goodness. You with me? Or if there was no way I would ever not make sure I had way more than I was going to drink because just in case or Kevin, I would tell myself to oh, well, if somebody comes over, you know, I want to be able to offer them a glass of wine or I want to be hospitable. That all of the tricks that that those of us that that are addicted to to wine or any other substance that the games that we play with ourselves.

Unknown Speaker  21:25  
It can be pretty insidious candidates. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're continuing to tell yourself stories, you're creating stories, and telling yourself stories. All I'm just gonna relax. You know, I had a story that I didn't wanted to I wanted to mention, I didn't mention last time. I have a good friend been married. They've been married for a long time. And the husband figured out in his early 30s, that he had a major drinking problem. And so he quit. And then when my wife and I were splitting up, and I went over to visit them, and his wife came home, and he and I were sitting there talking, and she came home and she is also a wine drinker. And it amazes me because he was sitting there Cold Stone, Cold Stone sober. And she came in and opened up a bottle of wine and came in and had a glass of wine. And then when she was almost done with that, her child, teenager at the time, I brought the bottle over and filled her wine the glass up again. And it was like everybody was oblivious to what was happening. And I saw what was happening. And she slowly, slowly got drunker and drunker. And they didn't recognize it. It was it was the weirdest thing that because I would have thought that in his household because he went through AAA and the 12 staff and he did all of those things, I would have thought that he would have recognized that and would have put a stop to it. But no, it was it was weird. Have you do you find that the people that you work with if that happens?

Unknown Speaker  23:03  
I don't know, a whole lot yet, Kevin. And the reason the reason that I say that is because I'm just starting to work with individuals on the alcohol piece. Because I'm literally I've been doing health and wellness coaching and helping people with their diet and lifestyle for years. And it was only when I went through this myself. And I've well today marks 855 days to two years, four months, two days. And yes

Unknown Speaker  23:44  
thank you, but I didn't bring it into my business or change my brand or anything till Oh, what was July of this year when I hit two years. And that was me purposely. It was purposely I didn't want one. I wanted to make sure I was solid in my own recovery that I was at a certain place. So it's only been in the last couple of months since I started the podcast actually that I've said to people vocally Okay, now I feel you know, I feel ready. I feel that I can help people. So I'm I'm only starting to work with individuals on on what on their alcohol addiction. And so I can't really say what they're saying for their family members yet. Check back with me in six months or a year and I'll probably have some more stories on that front as

Unknown Speaker  24:41  
well. And I was just gonna say that. You don't want to. You don't want to start a coaching program that you yourself are going to fail at one point. So you want to make sure that you're well past it and are in a position to where it's not going to come back because they get good. Could you imagine you have a bunch of clients that are all coming to you to help with their drinking problem? And then you relapse, and then you're drinking? Behind the scenes? And yeah, that I mean that that would work very well,

Unknown Speaker  25:14  
it would not be good. And, and I'm, I'm pretty solid and, and I recovery is a serious topic and it's, you know, I likely the likelihood of me taking a drink it like it just really doesn't even cross my mind right now my life is so good. And I love my life that I can add, and I have so many tools that I do. And Kevin, I remember that last hangover, I don't want to go there again. So there is there is a lot that I've got in my toolbox that would prevent me from relapsing. And I feel confident enough that if somebody does want to work with me, I feel confident enough that I can, you know, help them on that journey. But, you know, it all it would take, I think I truly believe is just one casual glass of wine thinking that I can. And we call it in, in our, in our recovery space, you know, we we jokingly say, oh, I can moderate meaning we can be like the individuals that can have a glass or two of wine and not necessarily want to drink the whole bottle. I've been down that road 100 times where I've tried to moderate I just I get back to the same behavior. And I just really don't want to go there. Well, there

Unknown Speaker  26:37  
comes a point in time when it is counterproductive. It doesn't work for you anymore. And then by the way, it's expensive as hell. And then it's also not, it's not conducive to you living your best life. It really isn't. But you've got to make that determination for yourself. And so there are people that are listening that somebody is asking you all right, did you do a 12 step program? Did you go to 30 days of rehab? How did you stop?

Unknown Speaker  27:04  
Well, it starts with a decision. It really does there. And I had many decisions, hey, I'm going to stop. And the last the last time for me was in early 2020. My daughter, my daughter was having my grandson. So I was staying with her. And this is when I was drinking a little bit more because I could you know, it was like we were just at home. And that's when the lock downs were on and everything.

Unknown Speaker  27:36  
You can do that you may go you can do.

Unknown Speaker  27:39  
Yeah. And then I really truly decided that I didn't want to be a drunk Nana. That was I was like, Wait a second. You know, now that I have this amazing, beautiful little grandson. You know, that was the decision that solidified it for me. However, I stopped drinking for a week and then I drink for a week or I went you know, I kept thinking, Oh, I can moderate this because I couldn't wrap my head around that I needed to stop forever. So how did I do it? I literally went, Okay, I am going to do 30 days, I could wrap my self around. I checked out a I checked out a couple different things. And I was like no, I really and because I was doing so much spiritual work and personal development work and everything. I really just thought I've got to figure this out. So I committed to myself that I would do 30 days, I didn't think past that. And I just did it day by day. I'm not going to drink today. And my number one strategy at the beginning, Kevin, it would it was I knew that if I knew that if I wasn't going to drink that I just couldn't be in areas that I drink and I drink everywhere in the house. So I drank in the kitchen I drank in the living room I drank in my room when I was staying with my daughter because you know I want them to have their time alone with their with their child. So I would disappear into my room but I would I would take the hugest glass of wine that I could you know try to read a book or something. So my my strategy at the beginning was okay, you're you're going to have these cravings so just go and walk because I like being outside I like nice whether they had a dog so I'd grabbed the dog and I just go and walk and it became kind of my joke that I traded wine for walking so I made it walk o'clock and then I just repeating 30 days I just kept saying okay another 30 days, okay, you can do another 30 days. And then at about six months I was feeling so good. I had never in my adult life I had never felt as clear in my head was clear my like I just kept feeling better and better. So I just kept sticking to it. And then, you know, of course doing meditation Do you know making sure I was eating healthy? Like there was journaling? Reading, great quit lit, quit lit literature, you know, books and listening to podcasts and, and doing a lot of self reflecting. And yeah, like I, I just but it that decision to the final decision and you ask again, and we talk about it in our community. And I talk about it with the women and men that come on my show. We all get it when we say that there's something that clicks with that decision when you finally decide because we've all had 1008 ones. Oh, sure.

Unknown Speaker  30:50  
Oh, sure. Well, you know, I can only imagine what it would have been like, if you're gonna do a 12 step program and your first AAA meeting, and you they have you stand up, and you say, Hi, I'm Sam, I'm a health and wellness coach, and I'm an alcoholic, that would have been a lot to do a lot to digest all at the same time.

Unknown Speaker  31:11  
For me, it was Kevin, that's like

Unknown Speaker  31:13  
I can I can imagine because you were preaching health and wellness and eating right and doing all of that and then and then to say I'm I'm an alcoholic, but you see your, your version are you what? And what do they call it? Now they don't call it alcoholic they call it

Unknown Speaker  31:32  
they they don't diagnose the person like that. They what they've really tried to do is do away with the labels, which I agree with to I don't believe anyone is a label people are people. But they talk about alcohol use disorder. That's what it is. So there's different levels of you know, that's why some people you know, didn't think that I had a problem. Well, I according to the the diagnostic manual, Statistical Manual of alcohol use disorder. Absolutely. I, I was drinking way too much.

Unknown Speaker  32:11  
Yeah, but it's not like you were, it wasn't obvious. I'll give you an example. My brother had a problem with alcohol and he had a he did not have an off switch. So he could not stop. If he started drinking, or when he started drinking, he would drink all day, every day. Because he would wake up hungover. And as he likes to say, I'll just crack a beer and that'll make me feel better. And so but then then that would start the roller coaster happening all over again. And one time I was working in at a fine dining restaurant at South center. And he came up with a little ball cap and his little his, his clothes were dirty and messy and he was drunk as a skunk. And but he came all the way down to South Saturday. Because his girlfriend apparently had thrown him out and, and nowhere else to go. And, and so I he waited for me, I still have the picture of my mind. And this poor little little man who he felt like he was like a million years old, just swaying back and forth in the in the chair that he was in, because he couldn't hold himself straight. And you know, if you've seen people, and so we went out to find his car, because we were sure he was going to follow us to my apartment where he was going to stay for a little while. We couldn't find his car.

Unknown Speaker  33:37  
Goodness, we would hope he wouldn't be driving.

Unknown Speaker  33:41  
Well, what he did is he left the keys and then somebody stole it. Oh my goodness. And so he was on how I was I was here. I swear it was right here. And so he left the keys and somebody stole it. We get a call two days later from Grants Pass Oregon, which is like 800 miles from where I live. And that's where the car was. So then we had to go all the way down to Grants Pass and he still was drinking and then pick up the car and come all the way back. And and then we get to our house and we had a we had a aquarium with fish in it. Well, he was cold because sometimes when you drink a lot you get you tend to get cold occasionally. So he was cold. So he turned the thermostat up to 80. And we went then and we drove you know seven hours down and sound hours back by the time we came back. All the fish were dead. Oh no. Oh, this Oh, and you so are related that kind of damaged our relationship for a long period of time. Because he was and then he wanted that he wanted to go get a six pack of beer. So it was like Goodness gracious. We you know, I I don't know what to do with so He was his problem was different than yours, but yours was debilitating from the fact that it kept you from what you want to doing what you wanted to do when you wanted to do it.

Unknown Speaker  35:09  
Yeah, you you could say that I was just a high functioning person that are a high functioning wine addict is what, when I look back at it now, because I was, I would know enough to, you know, make sure that I didn't do anything. You know, I would get my I would get my work done. Or if I had to teach in, in say, in the morning, I would make sure that I would still go to bed at a decent time. And, and you know, not crack that, that second bottle of wine or you know, I'd have all these, these rationalizations for myself that okay, well, if you're not doing that, then okay, you can drink but no, if you're doing that, then you better not. And, like, it took a lot to organize it in your head, because everything for me, was my whole schedule was wrapped around the fact of could I drink or couldn't I drink? So I was always managing. And I because I wanted to get my work done. And because I wanted to cook for my kids and be a good mom and, and, you know, still get yoga in and still, you know, Kevin, I've, I was talking with one of my other guests on the podcast last week. And we're both in the helmet health and wellness field. And we we would talk about how we go do a great workout. And then we we'd go out for drinks. And in our early years, you know, we'd still maybe have a cigarette too, because it was okay to have a drink and a cigarette. And this is the same behavior that I did even in the late you're not smoking. I gave that up quite a while ago. And, and what? Oh, that yuck. But, but the drinking is still so normal. In today's day and age. So I again, I it was normal for me to to want to drink.

Unknown Speaker  37:03  
Well, and I will tell you this, that if you look at the statistics, there are very there's a whole bunch of high, high, highly performing alcoholic people. And my father being one. He was he was a six pack a day, man. And so he but he worked, you know, 5060, sometimes 70 hours a week. And so he felt like he could come get would come home. And that's how we were relaxed. Rather than doing you know, something, some activity or whatever. And but there's tons and tons and tons of people that are exactly like that. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  37:39  
Well, and it because it's so normalized.

Unknown Speaker  37:45  
I defy anybody who's listening to us. Now I'm a football fan. And if you are on a diet, if you want to eat well, and, and not and not drink, you can't watch football anymore. Because all the commercials are either a fast food restaurant, or something along those lines or a burger. And then of course, there's whiskey and there's beer and all that kind of so you can No you can't. It's everywhere. It's pervasive. It's just everywhere. Yeah. So I'm really primarily glad to have met you, you you are doing some really cool work. And I implore everybody to go to our website, which again, is sober and serene.com. Now, I want to tell you, I want to ask you about your call for authors, because there are people that may be listening that may have a story. What are you looking for, to build the first sober and serene book?

Unknown Speaker  38:45  
What what I've done with my, with my publisher, friend Keisha because I was talking with her and I said, you know, I want to, I want to tell the stories of either my podcast guests that talk about their sober story. And sometimes people don't want to write their book, but they want to tell their stories. So I decided, hey, why not? Let's put together sober and serene anthology. And if anybody follows me on Twitter, or anybody knows me on Instagram, you know, I talk about numbers, how much I love numbers. So I love the number 22. So I just thought, Okay, let's get 22 authors, including myself and Keisha so 20 other people, let's, let's each write a chapter for the book. So I encourage anyone, if you are a budding author or you have a sober story to share, then reach out to me the information is there. What we're doing right now we thought we'd have a publication date in the spring we'll see. Really what I'm doing is just get having conversations with people about the book and talking about it and then if authors are interested, then right And now we're just taking deposits for yes, I want to be in the book because we want to get to a certain number of people, then, because we have to know when we're going to put the timeline out. So at first I was like, Oh, we have to have it published by December, then it was like, oh, no, we have to publish it by April. And really, I don't have to publish it by any time, we just, we just need to know how many people are in it. So the sooner that I know that, say, we've got 15 authors signed up. And I'm talking to people right now that are signing up. As soon as I get to that 15 mark, then we'll put the will, will be able to figure out the timeline. So it's a collaboration, collaboration book of sober stories.

Unknown Speaker  40:45  
And you will find the right number of people at the right time will show up and they'll it'll just be magical. And they'll just show up. And then maybe someone you know, I heard you on this podcast, and I can't remember the podcast. But I remember I was sober and serene. So I looked you up. And now I want to write a chapter in your book that

Unknown Speaker  41:03  
can happen. That's right. And it it actually happened with somebody that contacted me a few weeks ago. So I, I always say it all starts with a conversation. So I just I love talking with people and seeing how we can best work together in whatever way our fashion.

Unknown Speaker  41:23  
Exactly. So if somebody wants to contact you, is the website, the best way to do it? Yes. Again, that's www dot sober and serene.com. And it says it's really is a well done website. And you've got a huge store in it and stuff. And so that's, that's really, that's really cool. Because you've been doing this, you've been doing this a while.

Unknown Speaker  41:45  
Yes. I have Kevin and I do love what I do.

Unknown Speaker  41:52  
Well, you're gonna have to come back. And we'll I want to keep up with you as far as the progress of the book and how you're doing and, and stuff like that. And you are you are a fun person to have on the show. And I thank you for it.

Unknown Speaker  42:06  
I always appreciate hanging out with you, Kevin, thank you so much.

Unknown Speaker  42:10  
Well, we try and make it as comfortable as we can and then stuff, but man, I think we're doing okay, what do you think?

Unknown Speaker  42:18  
You are fantastic. Kevin, I've shared your show with everyone that that I can think of when I'm talking to people.

Unknown Speaker  42:26  
Oh, you're very nice. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. And you can go to sober and Serena and her episode is right there, too.

Unknown Speaker  42:34  
It is. It's under I think I put it under media. My guest appearances. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  42:39  
Yes, you did. So, you know, I've got to run. But tell me a little bit about the podcast? And are is it something that you are deeply ingrained in? Is it something that you want to continue for a long period of time?

Unknown Speaker  42:53  
Oh, yeah, I started on YouTube in July, because I really, I wanted to do a video podcast. So it is a video podcast. So I typically, I typically record one or two episodes a week, I like to get them up there on Fridays as usually when when I release them onto the channel. So yeah, the information is there under podcast, I call it podcast because people are familiar with what a podcast is. And if you have a sober story that you want to share, I invite you to apply to be on the show and, and just answers a few questions. And I can get a hold of you. And I get a lot of people reaching out and just saying, Hey, I heard that, you know, you you do this, or I'm in talking to people. And they say, Hey, I've been sober now. 30 years, and I'm like, Okay, well, let's get you on the show. Because I think the more that we can talk about it and normalize it, because most of the people that have been on my show are similar. You know, a lot of people have said to them, too, they didn't know they had a problem. So I think it's alcohol and sobriety and recovery is that that problem that people think they have, that no one else has, but it's more prevalent than than ever and especially in in today's world and I'm just I love sharing the stories of other people. So yes, please reach out

Unknown Speaker  44:31  
to them. reason people don't know it's more prevalent than than it is is because everybody hides in their room. I I've heard locked doors, Kevin,

Unknown Speaker  44:41  
that that was me. So that's why I'm on the other side now. I was so quiet about it. I never wanted to talk about it. Now that I do talk about it. Now I've as one of my sober friends says recover out loud

Unknown Speaker  44:58  
and it takes a great You'll have courage, a great deal of guts to be able to do that. And to do it without a great deal of assistance. But you I suspect, correct me if I'm wrong, but I suspect that you relied upon your spiritual nature and and the folks on the other side that that your angels and whoever it is that we're there to support you and I suspect that you're relying upon them a great deal.

Unknown Speaker  45:26  
Oh, for sure. Because I talked about my life is holistic body mind spirit. So I had the exercise and eating pretty, pretty good under control. You know, I do eat fairly healthy. So it it was somewhat easier. But I didn't, I I prayed a lot and meditated a lot and did everything I could to add specially at the beginning because I it is such a it's a huge addiction.

Unknown Speaker  46:02  
It is indeed by the way, we've been talking with Sam and your last name, again, I don't have it right in front of me, Ray Foss, Ray fosse and sober and serene, that's where you want to go. Now, before we go, I want to give you the opportunity. And I'm going to step aside and give you the opportunity to tell the folks that are listening now. And those who will listen to this over the mists of time, anything that you would like them to know.

Unknown Speaker  46:30  
I usually just say that whatever you're thinking about, like, because we know it from within. And I've said, you know, people have said to me, do you think I have a drinking problem? Or I don't think I drink that much. What do you think, and I truly, you know, want to be the person that listens and can help anyone through through their recovery journey. However, it is not for someone else to decide if you have a problem or not. It's whatever your your heart, your inner spirit, your inner God, whatever it is you we have the answers within us. And Kevin, you and I've talked about it that sometimes we just we don't listen, or we don't trust that inner knowing. So I just always encourage people to just really, you know, be silent for a while don't look to outer outer things, or anything outside of you to solve any of what's going on for you. So yeah, if if, if you're going within, as they say, and you're still needing or wanting someone to talk to, I've, I'm happy. I'm happy to be the listening ear for anyone that that needs it.

Unknown Speaker  47:51  
Go to sober and serene.com is a great website, you can find out all the stuff she does. You do quite a little bit and then you should be very proud of yourself. I'm sure you didn't touch on this much. But I'm sure your kids are very proud of you know, as well.

Unknown Speaker  48:08  
I think so. And they do say that my daughters are amazing. They're my y Absolutely. My three daughters, my grandson or my wife or everything I've ever done in my life. And yeah, we're pretty tight. We're pretty close. I think more than than anything, then. Yeah, let's just say they are proud of their mom, but they're there. They're my daughter's and Kevin, you know how kids are there. But okay, let I'm gonna give them props. They may laugh at me, and they may roll their eyes at me as I'm trying to say, Hey, girls, you know, whatever. I'm trying to tell them. But I do get the odd message from each of them. You know, an hour Hey, Mom, I love you. I'm so proud of you. We're, you know, way to go or so. Yes, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker  48:59  
Yeah. Well, when you have a program like this called positive talk radio, you can't be in a bad mood very often. And, you know, my, my son who is he's got a little bit of er in him, you know what? Oh, or the world is coming to an end. Life is terrible. You know, he has these kind of great life, his life has improved so much. So I keep telling him, You can do this. You can be happy. No, I can't Dad, you're just stupid. So I'll accept that. So it's been a pleasure talking to you again, and we got to do this again. Can we do this again? Absolutely. Anytime, Kevin. Oh, very cool. Very cool. sober and serene.com. That's where you go. And I want to thank you for being here and and it's so much fun talking to you. You've had a really good time. So if you're away right there. I will be right back. Hey, If you're enjoying this episode all the way to the end, please give us a like and subscribe to this channel. This has been a production of positive talk radio dotnet please visit our website oddly named positive talk radio.net For more details about us and our mission, which is to provide great positive programming designed to inspire us all. I'm Kevin McDonald. I'm proud of these shows, and I truly hope that you'll like them and share them with friends and family. So on behalf of our entire team, remember

Unknown Speaker  50:29  
because

Kevin McDonald

Owner

Creator and Host of Positive Talk Radio and its Parent Company KMmedia.pro

Sam Rafoss Profile Photo

Sam Rafoss

Coach, Mentor, Podcaster

Sam Rafoss is a mom + nana, a coach, mentor, speaker, podcaster and a holistic entrepreneur for over 20 years. She is passionate about sobriety, holistic health, spiritual growth and nurturing relationships with family, friends, peers and communities.